Butuan #1

I remember going on the hike at the hash in Subic. We walked by the "hill people" living in home made huts. I did notice their children walking to the huts with their school uniforms on. Those folks didn't have much but, they DID send their children to school. I can see why Jim insisted the children must go to school.

[Benjio]

Originally Posted by Sailover

What they don't understand is that the only way you CAN be generous like that is because you watch your expenses carefully. That is something COlombians do not understand at all. You can buy your girl's family dinner and dancing which they all love of course. But balk at a $200 bottle of scotch for the 'cousins' that just showed up, and suddenly you are cheap.

This is a generalization but I definitely can't argue with it. Although I wasn't at first I'm now very cautious about how and how much money I spend around my girlfriend's familly. For the most part, they financially take care of me when I'm in Barranquilla (feed me, occasional cab fare, etc.) As horrible as that sounds, it works out. When I do help, I'll do something like pay for the groceries my girlfriend was going to buy for her house anyway when I'm in Colombia. Then she'll have extra money to do some other things. Outside of parties I've thrown or the occasional bottle of rum, I'll very rarely do financial favors.

I commend Jim for his generocity. I agree with the education thing 100%. I have helped my girlfriend with books for school and the cost of her classes because I believe it will give her the opportunity to help her family in the future without depending on me. Jim is helping them help themselves which is definitely the best way to go.

My only problem with what Jim is doing is the expectations people begin having when you help them. God forbid, but if something tragic happened in Mitch's family and they needed money everyone would be looking directly at Jim. On the other hand, if Jim's financial situation changed for any reason, and he couldn't do anything for Mitch or her family, I seriously doubt their relationship would be exactly the same. I'm definitely not saying she's with him for the money, but when the financial role in a relationship is predefined then drastically changes, it's very rare that the relationship last for much longer.

[Jim]

That is the great conundrum. They are most certainly great people, but you have spent more money in front of them in two days than they see in months. So of course they think you are loaded. (which you are, in comparison, by the way). What they don't understand is that the only way you CAN be generous like that is because you watch your expenses carefully. That is something COlombians do not understand at all. You can buy your girl's family dinner and dancing which they all love of course. But balk at a $200 bottle of scotch for the 'cousins' that just showed up, and suddenly you are cheap. There is no winning that one. If your girl stands with you, good. But if she is bulge hunting, she will side with her family. Sign the check and get out, your lesson was expensive, but over.

This is indeed the conundrum in a nut shell. Mitch pretty well understands this as we approach 9 months together. She has heard no as much as yes and understands when we plan a treat for her, we do so ahead of time and we loo at prices and she only gets them on occasion.

I am relying on her to communicate effectively with her family and facilitate the success of the project for each of us. They get a house which won;t fall down in a new city and I spend as little as possible. Sometimes she is great at this and sometimes she takes everything personally.

She told me she wanted me to teach her about money and reminding her this is how I hope to keep us each on the same page.

[Jim]

For the new guys, this is a real eye opener. Here I have to speak from observations and stories from other gringos. It appears to happen so often that, when it doesn’t happen, one should question the source.

It has never happened to me …..so now I am questioning me

Absolutely Captain. When I Divina met my plane in Manila several times she showed up with her extented family "to see me". Of course I also had to feed them. Never happened with Jessa but we lived with two siblings whom I supported.

Mitch's family is different. For one thing, Grace frequently takes my side and talks to Mitch when Mitch is being silly. And her family appears to care much more about Mitch being happy than my money. They always say thank you and never ask for anything.

Raising their weekly money from $20 to $30 was my idea, not theirs as was the house. Mitch had told me she had helped them buy a plot of land in Zamboanga and I discussed this with Mitch but it was my idea.

You are right. EVERY NEWBIE MUST BE AWARE OF THIS POSSIBILITY.

[Sailover]

For what it is worth. How about giving Mitch's family a cash card for an account into which you will only deposit the agreed upon amounts and only at the agreed upon times. When they have the need for a legitimate expense, they contact you and you transfer the money. Better than leaving them a bankroll which always seems to develop wings. Colombians are famous for flyaway money. They have all the best intentions. But hey, he wouldn't want us to be thirsty, so here, take this part of the money and buy a few cases of coke. And he certainly would want us to take advantage of this great opportunity Tio Carlos found for an emerging growth company to invest in. Here, take some more and buy in. Before you could imagine it is possible, the bankroll is dust, the house isn't built and the goon from Amway wants the rest of his money.

[Jim]

Benjio,

Mitch's 26-y-o brother got sick and the mother texted Mitch and told her about it. Mitch told me but no one asked for money. When Mitch hinted that all he needed was $10, I said she could send him her money if she wanted. She's saved over $100 from her allowance since she never spends anything.

It was only $10 but I did not want to establish a precedent. A great bi product of your moving to Colombia is your GF can see first hand the value you place on money and how you handle it. They tend to live for today and Americans tend to live for the future.

This is one of the many times that I tell Mitch that the American way is better than the Philippine way and this is how we will do it.

[Sailover]

I have heard that 'live for today' stuff quite a bit here. They seem proud of it. They also often say it when someone ELSE is paying since they are broke because they lived for today, YESTERDAY.

I have heard a lot of stories here from gringos that gave (sent) money to their Colombian novias and the novia says, "The money you sent (gave) me was stolen." It seems like it happens often and I would say it could be a fib to squeeze mo money out of the gringo.
Jim, have you ever had this happen in the Philippines?

[EJG69]

"I took care of some dental work and I will let her go back to HS next June"
Jim, I am new to this board so don't really feel like I can ask.... but I have to. The above? You "let her" do something?

[SingleFather]

EJG69 ,

Grace is Jim's GF sister who lives with them as a nanny. Letting her go back to school means he will pay for her books , school uniforms and school costs so she can afford to go to school.

Here is Jim's quote below.

SF NM

Originally Posted by Jim

Grace who is our nanny gets some special consideration. I took care of some dental work and I will let her go back to HS next June. She’s been great to me and my family and I feel this is the least that a decent human being would do. I’m not ready to make that commitment to the rest of the kids but with rice on the table THEY NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL.

.