Ever Think About The Phils?

[Micky10]

Since I am planning on moving somewhere as close to the ocean as possible, every now and then I do give the Phils a thought. In general I do like the Filipinos. They do have that funky mix, Latin-Asian. And it is the Asian part, that when I give some serious thought to the Phils, gives me the old head scratch. I think that many of us that are Catholic, at least in California, know a few Filipinos. I also have worked with a few over the years. As I said I like the Filipinos that I have known just fine. In my head, everytime I think about their culture, I think about that Asian "fatalistic" view that seams to be part of the culture. I do not know if that is even the right word, but it is some thing that is hard for me to get my head around. There are the obvious downsides to the Phils, like most their thrid world brethern, poverty and high unemployment. And the very long plane ride and expense. But in general they also have that Latin "pretty happy with life" attitude. The BIG draw to me is > 7,100 islands < that's a whole lot of beach! And of course me being the cheap ******* I am, it is a pretty good fit. Yea, there is the women thing, which I do not care about all that much. When you have as little to offer as I do women tend to treat me like a little lost puppy, and that has worked well my entire life. For you guys who do care, there are a crap load of Filipinas and they tend to think very highly of you "Kanos". So anywho; does anyone else here ever give any thought to the Pinays?

Love - Micky

P.S. - What ever happened to Jim????

[Jook]

Hi Micky, I married a Filipina and have visited the PI twice. I haven't been there for 5 years so take anything I say in that context. I was first there 10 years ago and I fell in love with the country and its unique culture, a result of a mix of cultures. It was still a relatively unspoiled (by the west) country except for Manila. When I went back, things had changed quite a bit in terms of westernization and attitudes, but in the countryside villages, people still retained the old-fashioned values. From what I understand, today is a whole different world there as they are rapidly westernizing.

Before I separated from my wife, we planned to retire in the PI. It still seems like a good idea because real estate is still cheap despite big increases over the past 10 years. From what I understand, there is a lot of foreign investment now, particularly from the Japanese.

Unless the laws have changed, you cannot buy land unless you are a citizen. And there are other restrictions for non-citizens. But I definitely think it's worthy of more research. Good luck.

[Sailover]

The Phils have long been next on my list of places to see before..
Jook, what happened with your marriage there? I have heard from several guys that once you marry a Filipina everything is fine until she has her child, and then you are excess baggage, to the extent that the husband often is required to sleep separately from his wife because the kid is with her all of the time. That and the fact they go from looking like a 15 year old to a 50 year old almost overnight. Can you confirm/deny/expand?

[Jook]

Originally Posted by Sailover

The Phils have long been next on my list of places to see before..
Jook, what happened with your marriage there? I have heard from several guys that once you marry a Filipina everything is fine until she has her child, and then you are excess baggage, to the extent that the husband often is required to sleep separately from his wife because the kid is with her all of the time. That and the fact they go from looking like a 15 year old to a 50 year old almost overnight. Can you confirm/deny/expand?

Here's an email I sent to a close friend not long ago that explains it all. Kinda long though. But I think what you have heard is an over-generalization. Bottom line, I think the same generalization [emphasize GENERALIZATION] applies to latinas or any other women from 3rd world countries -- they become americanized and do what all good americans do: divorce.
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I met my wife ten plus years ago. We were introduced by letter, talked on the phone and then I visited her home in the Philippines. We fell in love, or so we thought. We carried on our relationship via mail (the old fashioned kind) and telephone. Then I proposed to her. I think I was more in love with the idea of being in love and she was young and intrigued by an American and how nice it would be to escape the hard life in the Philippines.

After months of filling out paperwork, she was finally allowed to come to the US on a fiance visa. That visa required us to get married in 30 days or she would be sent home. After a couple of weeks, I realized I made a huge mistake. I didn't know what to do. She seemed like a good person; however, we simply had absolutely nothing in common and I wasn't so sure about being in love.

I told her how I felt, offered to pay her transportation home and give her money for her troubles. She was inconsolable. She couldn't stop crying. I woke up in the middle of the night, a rainy December winter night. She was packing her one bag that she came with. I asked her where she was going. She said she didn't know but that she didn't want to stay someplace where she wasn't welcome. At that, I broke down and agreed to go ahead with the marriage. I couldn't let her wander around the streets without knowing anyone and having no money. I figured that it was that it was my fault for bringing her all the way over to the US and I was now responsible to fulfill my commitment and marry her.

As it turned out, the reason she didn't want to return home was because she would lose face. She would be looked upon as a reject and a failure by her friends and family. It wasn't because she loved me. Perhaps she did, but that wasn't the overriding reason for her consternation. Stupid me. We remained married for 8+ years. While I think in time we grew to love one another though we were never madly in love, there was even less of a close friendship because of our differences. But she grew on me and I grew accustomed to her being there. So we continued on.

She was terribly irresponsible though. And there were the small lies.... she was always telling them so as not to get into an argument or have to embarrass herself. And it was easier to tell a small lie. Once I caught her taking money from my wallet. Now, you should understand that I gave her everything she wanted and always asked her if she needed anything. But she was proud and often refused money, to my face. In her mind, it was easier to steal it from me. So, there was a mistrust. And she thought I was seeing other women. I never gave her any reason to think this and I was always true to her. Yet she would go through my desk and email.

She is generally not a shy person. Except when it came to dealing with Americans. She had a huge inferiority complex and thought she was inferior to Americans. She even felt inferior to Filipino-Americans (there is a big population where I live) -- I suppose she felt that way because they spoke better English and had no fears about dealing with Americans. This became a serious problem and led to her being irresponsible in many respects, such as job hunting.

As time went on, she became more americanized and a little more responsible. Not much, but a little. She got very lucky and got a very high paying jobs as a manicurist in a famous hotel. We lived separate lives -- she had her friends and didn't try to make me a part of that world. In the early and later years of our marriage, I often thought of separating, but I couldn't do it. I don't believe in divorce except under the most serious circumstances. Then my luck started to change. I opened my business, which she never wanted anything to do with (a cafe) which failed and I lost all of my money. It was at that time that she chose to leave me. Coincidence? Maybe. But still, poor timing and I was shocked.

One day a year ago, she said she was going to stay at a friend's house overnight. No big deal. The one night turned out to be 2, 3.... forever. Again, with the small lies. She never gave that up. The fact is, she left me and she knew she was leaving me. The white lies never continued throughout our marriage, something I never got used to. She never told me why she left and refuses to discuss it to this day. But I know. She had a successful job and friends and didn't need me any longer. She didn't need the security of having someone to help her adjust to life in the US and she had the income to live on her own. And to this day, her friends and family in the Philippines think we're still married because she hasn't had the courage to tell them. She uses the reason that I refused to have children as the reason. I knew that wasn't true. Just to test her, I told her I would have children if she would come back. And she didn't.

In this day and age, does commitment apply to marriage? Well, most people in the US obviously don't think so but I found out that I'm not like most people. And perhaps that's why I wanted to marry a Filipina: their old-fashioned values. But values change when you live in a culture the complete opposite of the one you grew up in. While I never knew this about myself, I don't believe in divorce except under extreme circumstances. Lord knows I told Anabelle many times I was considering divorce. But I could never bring myself to go ahead with it. I often ask myself why. Yes, commitment to marriage was definitely the main reason, and in my own way, I had come to love her.

I often think back to that rainy wintry night and wished I had the courage to listen to my brain instead of my emotions and just let her go.

[El Capitan]

That's pretty hard core Jook...thanks for thinking enough of us to share it with us!!!

I worked with Filipinos for years, and I have to say that they're one of the hardest working people I've ever come across, but the guys are just like their latin counterparts...players if given the opportunity.

On the whole, I would say if you're going to get involved with a Filipina, you'll have a bit of a learning curve. As with anything...taken out of their normal environment, they will change...it's just a matter of how.

[Micky10]

Jook,

As the "Cap" said, thanks much for sharing that with us. That is one of those "Filipino" things, in some ways with them appearances with them are more important than the truth of the thing. Thanks again Jook.

Love - Micky

[Ciza29]

I have chatted with several Pinays and it is interesting how they are webcam crazy and are always trying to be online and Latin women are just the opposite. Also the Pinays have yahoo addresses and use yahoo messenger where latin countries have hotmail and use msn messenger.

I have to say that the Pinays I have know always look better in their photos then when they are on webcam. Whereas almost every latin woman has been much more attractive in person than in their photos.

It is also my humble opinion that Asian women show their love and devotion by tending to your every domestic need and can be a little less sexual. While latin women really like sex a lot.

With as many islands as are in the Phils there are a lot of beautiful islands that have not been developed. Davao City seems to be their Medellin. I hear it is very clean, green and safe. One girl sent me photos from an island near Davao City and it was amazing.

[Tinto]

Bizarre Stories from the Philippines


They even have their version of Lorraine Bobbit!

[Jim]

I made my first trip to the Philippines in March 2006 and have made a total of seven trips. Most of them have been to spend time with my girlfriend who seems too good to be true so far.

I plan to retire there in June 2008 and at least start my retirement with my GF and see where it goes. It is a long and expensive trip but I feel the quality of the women is pretty high.

The things I like about the Philippines are:
(1) It's very cosmopolitan with foreigners from all over the world, not just the US.
(2) The food is varied and great. Not only do I like Philippino food, which is totally unique and original but there is food indiginous to the entire pacific rim available there.
(3) Cost of living is really low.
(4) Foreigners are admired. I am travelling with my 21 year old GF and she meets women who tell her how lucky SHE is.
(5) There are so many options of where to visit and live. I've been to Davao, Cebu, Dumaguete, Bacolod, Mambucal (a resort in the rain forest), Bococay (a beach resort), Iloilo, Manila, Subic, Angeles City and Baguio. There are lots more places which are waiting for us.

I feel for you Jook. Having a relationship succeed is much easier there than if you bring them to the US.

Jim

[El Capitan]

Good to hear from you, and see you're doing well Jim!

I suppose the countdown is on now...11 months and Nang Pilipinas you go!

Stay well...