General Question

Jook, How was your marriage to the Filipina?

Hello Jook,

Encinoman is interested in your experiences and so am I, are you going to give it a shot at answering us?

Jook, How was your marriage to the Filipina?

[Jook]

Hey guys, I gave you the executive summary around when I joined! But I'll go into a little more detail. Just give me a little time as I don't have time to get into it right now. Thanks.

[Jook]

I “met” Anabelle 12 years ago. She was 24 and I was 43. We met the old-fashioned way – letter-writing. [img]smile.gif[/img] ) I don’t recall if it was as a result of Cherry Blossoms or an ad I posted, but that’s irrelevant. After corresponding with some women for about 6 months, I went to the PI to meet them. With Anabelle, it was love at first sight, or so I thought. I think I was more in love with the idea of being in love.

I went home, we continued to correspond and speak on the phone. I went back to the PI in about 8 months and proposed. She accepted. We visited her family who lived in a very remote area in a small village of a few hundred people. No electricity, no paved roads and no rock concerts. Bummer. But I envied these people. Life was simple and, despite what we would consider poverty, they were happy and content.

Anyway, moving fast forward, I brought her to the US on a fiancé visa. I won’t go into details, many of which I can’t remember anyway, but it was a big hassle. She had a bit of a hard time here at first. She had an inferiority complex and thought Americans were better than her because they/we had money. I tried to get her to spend money on things, ya know, stupid things like clothes [img]smile.gif[/img] ), but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. It was an alien concept.

I can’t say things changed drastically in that regard over the years. I tried to discourage her fear of spending, but some habits die hard.

Another thing that stands out is that there is large Filipino population here in Jersey City. I thought that would make her feel at home. On the contrary, she despised the Filipinos here. It took me years to figure out, but I finally realized it was because they were americanized and it was a combination of jealousy and a feeling they were traitors for trading in their customs.

But as time went on, things change and Anabelle became americanized. Her core personality never changed though and never demanding like the AW that people describe here.

So what happened? It seems like the perfect situation, no? Well, there’s the small matter of having absolutely nothing in common. Even if we were madly in love, which wasn’t the case, there needs to be some commonality and friendship bond. There was none of that. She had nothing in common with my friends and vice versa. We liked different foods, movies, music – you name it. I suppose the final straw was that I kept putting off having a child. We never discussed this at the onset. At first I put it off because I wanted more time. Then as time went on, I realized how little we had in common and I feared separation and having the child grow up in a single parent home. My decision more or less ended the marriage. She was brought up to feel that life is not complete without children.

So she left in June. Didn’t ask me for a dime, though I helped out and still do. And that’s where we stand. Lesson learned: don’t be hasty, get to know your potential mate before doing anything you may regret.

I know you didn’t ask for this, but I’ll throw in my 2 cents anyway. There’s been a lot of talk it seems, Latinas vs. Filipinas. I don’t subscribe to that **** and at times I think it’s racist. People are mostly a product of their environment, not their genes. I truly believe that. You can’t group Filipinas into one category or make generalizations like they’re loud mouths. Yes, some are, but then again, many Americans are too. And the differences between a Filipino raised in Manila vs. a small remote village are as vast as those between a sophisticated New Yorker vs. an Okie from Muskogee. And while I’ve still yet to visit Colombia, I doubt things are much different, or for that matter, anywhere else in the world. It seems we can’t help but stereotype. It seems that people in third world countries have many of the values that we Americans have lost. I know that’s why I am looking in Latin America for a mate. Frankly, the Philippines is too far; that’s the only reason I chose not to look again there. And I realize that multiple trips will be necessary. I’m taking the practical route. I guess, but I just don’t know.

[Charlie640]

Great insite. I concur ... 100%. For you, being in Jersey City... doing the Colombia thing is a hell of a lot easier. I think Continental has direct flights out of Newark to Bogota and Medellin AND no jet lag and they are in the same time zone. Only minus is the potential language barrier that does not exist with PI gals... although I was never to crazy about the tagalog accent.

[LastLion]

Thanks for taking the time out and sharing that story with us Jook! I agree with you on most things that you said there. I have asked a question about filipinas before but never really got a straight answer! Are they as passionate and affectionate as Latinas?

I have dated many women from around the world. The most affectionate people have been latinas! Just my 2 cents! That is something i desire in a relationship, that's all , that's why I asked!

[Jook]

Can't help you there LL having only been with 1 filipina. I have been with many latinas in my previous life (I've visited several countries in Central & SA and the Carib) and they've run the gamut. And again, I think a woman's passion (as well as her male counterpart's) are more a product of the environment. In the more promiscuous places like Rio, I'd bet women are more passionate than women from small villages in the PI where the culture is more conservative. And vice versa. But then again, this is theory though I'd love to gather enough statistical evidence to prove the point one way or the other.

[LastLion]

But then again, this is theory though I'd love to gather enough statistical evidence to prove the point one way or the other.

What do you think it would take to get that? Hmm, maybe a good 20 women from each country? Maybe some from the city some from the country?

I think I will have to stay out of that research, my major researching days are over!

You are right it would be hard to get those stats! One thing I heard in the past, but never saw it written in a paper or book, was that Colombianos are the happiest people in the world!

I met this really sweet filipina the other day. She is the manager of my local GNC! Now she is not a loud mouthed girl! I will retrack that comment! She was pretty hot as well as very kind! Although, only in the States for 2 years, her english was good with little remainders of that Tagalog Accent! Thank god!

[Jim]

Jook,

So how long were you and Anabelle together in the US before the break up?

I appreciate your perspective on how she adapted to US culture and the changes she couldn't make. My GF doesn't like when I buy her things.

[Jook]

Jim, we were married 9.5 years.

I should also mention since it was brought up previously as a separate topic - prenups. I insisted on one. Anabelle never understood. I even found a Filipino lawyer for her who could explain it (we each had our own lawyer so everyone's interests were represented.) Still, she never understood because the concept was so alien to her. And in the end, my lawyer turned out to be a big jerk and despite my efforts, I never received the paperwork. And in the end, I never needed it. Anabelle was right to be offended. Not that I'm saying that no one here or in general should get a prenup; I'm just relating my experience with it.

I also should have also mentioned that I've come to know a number of Filipinos through Anabelle, albeit Filipino-Americans. Hence my perspective about stereotyping and classifying people. The Filipinos I've come to know run the gamut: shy, loud and obnoxious, effiminate gay, smart, not so smart.... just like everyone else.