You May be a Gringo If.....

[Cap'n Jib]

You May be a Gringo IF you no longer wonder about....

* Getting back to the U.S. and all the hair on your wrists is missing.

* At the end of a fine first dinner date, she kisses you on the cheek goodnight and says "Chow" and you know she is not referring to food.

* That two taxi cabs can and will occupy the same space, at the same time, and it's not a problem (at least in Colombia).

* You will never meet all of her relatives...EVER!

* In an intimate situation, do not take it personally when she knees your pelotas. After the age of 3, it becomes a sports habit when the pelota is waist high.

* When you've dated a senorita for months and she always appears to have a different outfit and you know darn well she only has 3 outfits in her closet.

* Having two forks in your mouth at the same time...and only one of them is yours.
_ _ _ _ _

This is not a trip report exactly. Just the facts:

I´m in Colombia. Been here since May 11.
Leaving for Panama tomorrow for a week.
Back to Bogota for a week.
Then to Cartagena for a week.
Back to Bogota for 3 weeks.
Yep, I´m extending my stay here for 3 weeks.

To quote Jimmy Buffet: "Some one might say that there´s a woman to blame... but I know its my own damn fault!" e-r-r-r But there is a woman involved. [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Cubafro]

Good stuff Cap'n!!!
If you can, keep us informed about this woman

[Dragon3283]

this was hilarious great stuff

[Cap'n Jib]

You STILL might be a Gringo if:

* You take a tablespoon of olive oil, as a preventative measure, just before you meet her father for the first time. You remember that she is his LAST unmarried daughter and he will keep toasting you with "Agua Caliente" until your speech slurs and you ask for her hand in marriage.

* If after a ´close encounter of the best kind´ she uses the word ´muy´ twice in a row in the same sentence and you start to become pleased with your performance until you remember this is a culture of superlatives. Three ´muys´ would have only meant satisfactory in LA. Two ´muys´ means you better improve and fast.

* After a ´professional´ pat down search, that seemed to take longer than necessary, You know that your package was just checked by a guy who is thinking about his next date on Saturday night.

* You spend zero time wondering how these women, who are arguably the best at pleasing their men, just can´t seem to get the hang of "screwing" caps back on an open bottle or a glass jar.

* When your lady says her sister is coming over for a visit tonight and you end up at the cine instead....This was not a language or translation problem on YOUR part...she just changed her mind...again!

* In the land of "Fine Colombian Coffee" you no longer wonder why families serve you instant "Nescafe Dolca Tomatelo Suave" coffee.

* When it comes to proper fit of either a blouse or jeans on your lady, one size too small by your standards...is one size too large by hers.

* When on a first date you haven´t been successful in the loving ah..er living room and she suggests watching TV in her bedroom you know this is not a GOOD sign. She is bored and really wants to watch TV but because it would be rude to send you home this early plus having your having strick out...this allows you to save face...so to speak.

* When you watch the girl in the commercials, during the breaks in the soccer matchs, bounce a soccer ball off her chest and all you can think about is being reincarnated as that damn soccer ball.

- - -
Panama was great Bocas del Toro is like Key West in the 1920´s. Will be going back for a month (still looking for property) some time toward the end of September. This time we will look on the Pacific side of Panama.

A word of caution. Please be careful with respect to real estate. Gringos are a prime target with the same piece of property being sold twice to two different gringos and the property is only a Rights of Possession ownership in the first place. I´m sure both of them are still of the opinion that lawyers are not necessary. WRONG-O!

As far as the woman, still fine...ok more than fine...but this is still ´early innings´.