Need feedback on Barranquilleras

Salmon · #1 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 02:40 PM

Ok, I'm in my second relationship with a Barranquillera . . .The first one pissed me off by always trying to include other people, family and close friend into outings, movies, etc. It irritated me because, I have been independent my entire life and simply am looking for one-on- one time to get to know a girl wel enough to determine if she's future wife or not.
I'm friendly and outgoing for sure, but I'm really only into meeting the family, saying hello, how ya been, and then going out with my gal . . . I don't like tag alongs and I get tired of the assumed "you're buying for all" . . .

My current girl is sincere, sencilla, doesn't ask for the world but always wants to invite her sister and her boyfriend along, double date, or bring me back to their family pad in Soledad to hang out, then go out all together from there. I just want one-on-one dating. She's really close to her sister, and runs everything by her, which is ok, but I don't want to be dating "two people" if you know what I mean. She's dedicated to me, but she's really loyal to her sister. She tells me "My family is your family."

My next trip is a crucial one . . . she wants to go to Santa Marta . . . and get a family "cabina" so her sister and her boyfriend and another friend of his can come too . . . She's devoted, truly, but I just don't want other people around! Am I out of line here? I think I grew up too independent.

I know the difference in the cultures between Americans and Colombians and family.

I just want to see if their are other guys who note this as a Barranquilla thing, or Colombian thing, or maybe just coincidence in my choice of girls.

JMitch1959 · #2 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 03:56 PM

I think you better stop looking in Colombia for a wife, because you'll find family is generally very important to the women I've met there. You're much more likely to find the independent woman you're seeking, who's likely as not alienated from her family, here in the U.S.

***HonkyTonk*** · #3 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 04:10 PM

I think it's a bit much. You're seeing your future in how your dating is going now. If you don't like it now, you sure won't like it a few years from now. The things that bother us while dating become real points of contention after marriage. What you see is what you get when it comes to things like this. I wouldn't expect it to change.

You'll make the right decision.

Sailover · #4 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 05:34 PM

Honk has it on this one. There are certainly the kind of woman you are looking for in Colombia, but if there is something fundamental you aren't happy with when you are dating? The chances are very slim it will change after you are married. It usually just festers. (uh, I mean matures). It is great that your girl loves her family, BUT you need to be number one in her life and it seems that isn't possible with this girl. And brother? That is NOT going to improve. When a romantic weekend in Santa Marta has to include a family cabana for her sister, boyfriend and another friend of HIS? Uh, that would be no Mr. Bond.

Sailover · #5 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 05:34 PM

You cannot make her decide between you and her sister. Even if you win? You lose. Trust me on this.

Micky10 · #6 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 05:35 PM

Sal -

Not real good background on the rel., time together, time spent together, etc.. I will sure give a 'new' relationship the benefit of the doubt, if she has not much time with you, maybe a security, comfort thing. If that is not the case and she has time with you alone and has no problem there; then I will say that you are getting hosed. As HT said things will NOT get better. You may be the third man in a two man act. Third string, unless it is time to pay the bill, that is straight BS. Of course your call, but the curb sounds like a location that has an opening. Sorry.

Love - Micky

Whitey · #7 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 08:04 PM

I don't know anything about the age of your girlfriend or her status within the family, but it's quite possible that it would create problems within the family if she went to Santa Marta without an "escort" in the form of her sister.

My novia is a Barranquilla, early 30's, is a principle breadwinner in the family, is the oldest child, but going with me to Santa Marta for the first time was still a big deal. My buddy's novia, 23 years old, was not able to travel with him unless in the presence of a family escort.

The money aspect is a different thing though. If you invite her family, then you are expected to pay. I can't speak for Bogota or Medellin, but on the coast, this is expected. However, if you are all going out together for an evening of fun, or sharing a cabana, then you're being taken advantage of if you are always expected to just pay.

You'll need to talk with your girlfriend prior to the next outing and set your expectations for who is going to pay.

As far as the whole family thing in Barranquilla, I've only got my novia to go by, but if I visit her for 10-12 days, we'll have lunch with her family at their home almost every day, I'll invite her family out for a meal, and usually one time I'll invite one of her friends out for a meal. The rest of the time we spend enjoying ourselves alone, and she's very happy with this ratio of time .... as am I. In fact, I wouldn't mind spending a little more time on a Friday or Saturday night with her friends.

One time we went to Santa Marta for 6 days. I invited her family for 2 of the days and paid for everything including transportation (which was expected because it was my invitation and they don't have a lot of disposable income). My novia was thrilled, but she also loved our time together alone too.

You need to start setting expectations now, while realizing that some family time is important too ... but you still need your private time.

All the best ... Whitey

Jim · #8 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 08:07 PM

Salmon,

Your first GF decision to include everyone else in your activites is a typical Colombiana behavior and a red flag. You did well to move on. It can mean several things all bad. Maybe you are a meal ticket for her family and friends, maybe she doesn’t want alone time with you, maybe she doesn’t have a clue. Good decision.

This is not much different with your second GF except it’s always her sister. This is BS. Tell her no on the vacation trip. There are tons of girls in Colombia. You are a prize and if she doesn’t realize this, find someone who does. You can compromise on small things but YOU MUST STAY IN CHARGE.

If she doesn’t do this your way, and do it gladly, the reasons in paragraph #1 apply. This isn’t your first or second date. If she wants to control this crucial element of intimacy and your finances, what you have is an AW except younger, prettier and sexier. Tonk and Sail are right that she will never change. If you want a GF/wife who tells you what to do, she is the one.

Sailover · #9 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 08:20 PM

And that whole 'chaperone' thing? Bull****e. It is often just an excuse to get one more mouth to feed. Many if not most Colombian girls haven't been virgins since they were 15. Harsh maybe, but true.
If the sister always gets included now, during what is supposed to be your most romantic time, guess who will probably be with you on your honeymoon? And beyond.
Just look at the way most young Colombian couples are. All over each other. There is no reason you shouldn't be enjoying the same. Alone together.

***HonkyTonk*** · #10 (**permalink**) 10-24-2009, 08:31 PM

But, they all lived happily ever after! What's worng with that? I didn't say Salmon did...