Need feedback on Barranquilleras

[Sailover]

"This is obvious to most of us who have been doing this a long time."

Even for those who have been doing it a short time. It doesn't take long for the word to get out that there is a gringo in town and we all know that ALL gringos are ALWAYS rich.

[John Wayne]

The Chinaman in Costa Rica, in the Hamburgo Bar in Puntranas, asked me, just before ringing up the Cash register.....You want for short time, or all night.....

I got so tickled I couldn't see straight .......

[Micky10]

"I think that ALL of these guys have things in common; realistic, honest, level headed, and PLAYING WITHIN THEIR LIMITS. Meaning; you look at the photos these couples and they LOOK GOOD together. They are not social malcontent fat old ugly ****s trying to bag Irma La Duce." - Micky

"I think taking a good picture together is a little easier than actually having a good long term relationship. Being positive and optimist are admirable traits but seeing everything through rose colored glasses does not always lead to good decisions." - Jim

Jim -

You have a gift for taking things out of context, then you assemble what you want, NOT referring to what WAS said. You speak of rose colored glasses, only seeing what you want to see is looking at everything with blinders.

Love - Micky

[Benjio]

I think everyone here has made valid points, but I lean towards agreeing most with Sail and Micki.

Sailover is absolutely right in the sense that you better learn to like spending time with family because more times than not, they are going to be around if a good time is to be had. As far as the money thing, that's all about what kind of Gringo you are. If you're willing to pay without putting your foot down the first few times, best believe it will be assumed that you have no problem with it. I've found myself in situations when my girlfriend has asked whether or not it was okay for her family to tag along, but she has always ASKED FIRST...never made the assumption that this was automatic. Furthermore, her family also does A LOT for me. During my last 5 day trip, I didn't make groceries and only went to a restuarant once. The rest of the time I was eating at her grandmother's or uncle's houses. This is not the first time this has happened. Most importantly, my girlfriend is well aware that we don't have a lot of time together, so she ALWAYS makes sure we've had our "fill" of each other before I start spending time with the family.

On the same token, Micki's right about each relationship and situation being different. You can only take each post in response to your problem with a grain of salt, as there's always more to the story than meets the eye with a Colombiana. My advice, tell you her have a huge problem with what's going on, and make her aware that your last relationship ended under similar circumstances. It shouldn't be given as a threat or an ultimatim, but definitely expressed as a serious issue you have with her behavior. Good luck.

[HonkyTonk]

"It shouldn't be given as a threat or an ultimatim, but definitely expressed as a serious issue you have with her behavior." Benjio

You've sure got that right! As some of you know I had a failed engagement with a Bogotaña in '99. The final straw was the ultimatum she laid on me. It froze me over and there was no fixing it or taking it back.

[Sailover]

BenJ is the voice of reason this afternoon. One of the best things about a relationship with a Latin woman is her family. It can also be one of the worst things. As they accept you as family and do things for you, of course you should pitch in as you are able. But it should not be expected and always (or as nearly as possible) asked for. Several of the boys here do have the cash hish to make for the check every time and that's great. But your girl nor her family should ever take it as a given that you will always foot the bill. For those of us living here because we can't afford freaking Detroit, they already know better. If they are looking for a cash cow, your milk has already soured. Or something like that.
It is very possible that Sal's girl is true as the day is long and just wants her sister around her and that's fine if Sal is okay with it. But when it comes to having to PAY for that sister AND her boyfriend? That is out of line. That's NOT how they do it in Detroit after all.

[Sailover]

And by the way, if ultimatums are being laid down? Things are probably already over. A relationship should be one of sharing and caring not one of my way or the highway. (that would be Route 66, baby...see you in Amarillo)

[Whitey]

Originally Posted by Micky10

Some of the responses here are NOT good advice, or fair. Each relationship HAS to be dealt with on it's own merit.
I think that both Brent and Whitey said some things that should always be given consideration. And ONLY the person IN the relationship SHOULD know where that line of demarcation is.

"Your first GF decision to include everyone else in your activites is a typical Colombiana behavior and a red flag." - Jim

This is NOT 'typical Colombiana behavior'. There are many very good, quality women in Colombia. Sometimes the inclusion of a family member or friend is for the women's feeling of comfort and security and justifiable. After she has past the initial meeting there is certainly no need for tag-a-longs. IF that is the case, then you are being played. Even at that, there is always that if the women is 'into you', they do like very much 'showing' you off to friends and family, but generally will find a less intrusive way to get that done. That is why ONLY YOU can determine what the truth is on that score. Also, if one is a chump and lame with women (which we all are, just different degrees) you will get your ass kicked righteously anyway.
I hear those that offer the 'the gringo is a prize' and 'she would be lucky to have you'. Those with that attitude are a tad off the mark. Do not think that these women are so stupid as to be unaware of the 'self image' some gringos have as being 'the last cook in the desert' (their saying).
Building a good, real and honest relationship between 'equal' partners, is ALWAYS a work in progress. To think that it is 'easy', 'automatic', 'effortless', would be a mistake that we like to classify as 'Big'.

Right on Micky, and thanks for the kind words (you too LastLion).

I couldn't agree more about the "gringo prize" and "the lucky to have you" attitude. Nazly and I are both lucky to have found each other, and I am no prize other than the fact that I love her and do my best every day to be a decent, honest man.

She had a good life before me, a good job, a good family, and some good friends. What she was missing was romantic love and a man to share her life with that appreciates what an amazing person she is. I am no prince on a white horse saving her from a life of squalor and quiet desperation.

Something that I'm not sure has been mentioned yet in this thread, but has before many times, is that it's very important to spend time with your novia's family and friends so that you can get to know HER better. How she interacts with them, how she treats you in front of them, what expectations she has with you regarding her friends and family, etc. While you can't choose your family, you CAN choose your friends and it can be very insightful to observe who she chooses to have around her.

I made a point of visiting Nazly's family on my first trip (2nd day), and taking her best friend out to dinner later in the week.

Whitey

[John Wayne]

Whitey, you got that right, if being around the family and they all fight like a bunch of redneks in a trailer park......

Like the Popular Caribbean song goes......

Run Focker Run.....

Originally Posted by Salmon

Ok, I'm in my second relationship with a Barranquillera . . .The first one pissed me off by always trying to include other people, family and close friend into outings, movies, etc. It irritated me because, I have been independent my entire life and simply am looking for one-on- one time to get to know a girl wel enough to determine if she's future wife or not.
I'm friendly and outgoing for sure, but I'm really only into meeting the family, saying hello, how ya been, and then going out with my gal . . . I don't like tag alongs and I get tired of the assumed "you're buying for all" . . .

My current girl is sincere, sencilla, doesn't ask for the world but always wants to invite her sister and her boyfriend along, double date, or bring me back to their family pad in Soledad to hang out, then go out all together from there. I just want one-on-one dating. She's really close to her sister, and runs everything by her, which is ok, but I don't want to be dating "two people" if you know what I mean. She's dedicated to me, but she's really loyal to her sister. She tells me "My family is your family."

My next trip is a crucial one . . . she wants to go to Santa Marta . . . and get a family "cabina" so her sister and her boyfriend and another friend of his can come too . . . She's devoted, truly, but I just don't want other people around! Am I out of line here? I think I grew up too independent.

I know the difference in the cultures between Americans and Colombians and family.

I just want to see if their are other guys who note this as a Barranquilla thing, or Colombian thing, or maybe just coincidence in my choice of girls.

Salmon, Just one word of advice for you: "Run"