The One that got away!

[TheFamousWingMan]

Others have gotten away from me. I contribute those loses to lack of Spanish and not knowing the culture. I know the language and culture now. This is why this story stands out.

One night, while waiting for a date, I met an American man. He was with his date and two of her friends. We had a brief conversation and I invited them to join us at one of the local clubs. While inside the club, I began a conversation with one of the friends of the American. We will call her Sue. Sue was 27 year old, light-skinned Colombiana. She had a really nice body and cute face. While talking to Sue, she seemed to be very depressed about something. I asked her what was wrong. She told me she had dated a guy (Colombian) for the past year. Four months prior he had taken a job in Bogota. She received only one call from him just to say he had found someone else.

I tried to comfort her. I told her I understood how she felt. I told her you have only one life and not to spend it depressed over some guy. I gave her a hug. She smiled and we all enjoyed the rest of the night. The next day I thought about Sue. I called the American to get her number. She came to my home for dinner. (*NOTE* If you cook for your Latinas, they will love it.) After listening to her talk, talk, talk and talk for the rest of the evening, it was time for her to leave. Now, she was never the type of woman I would date. I was used to dating 7’s to 8.75’s. I really saw her as becoming a good friend. She was the type of woman I would grow to love. It wasn’t going to be overnight. I was talking to a friend about Sue. I told my friend Sue wasn’t my type. My friend told me well, “YOUR TYPES” haven’t been working out for you! Try something different!

We began going out more and more. We went out one night and really enjoyed each others company. We kinda had too much to drink. The next morning we awoke cuddled in a hotel room. She had this “Where the hell am I look on her face.” It was too cute. She then asked me if we had sex last night. I told her no and she smiled and said thanks for respecting me. She called her mom to say she was ok and that she was with me. Now, we have only been hanging out for about a couple of weeks. I found it odd that her mother knew of me, seeing I’ve never met her. I asked Sue about this and she said she’s told all her friends and family about me. I said ok and knew this wasn’t anything new. If a Latina is into you, she will tell the whole world.

We said our good byes because I had a trip planned to Cartagena that day. I had been in Cartagena for almost a week before receiving a call from Sue. It was a Saturday around midnight. I was on a date. I excused myself to take the call. I spoke with Sue for about ten minutes before she began to cry. She said she was feeling alone and empty inside. I comforted her and told her I would be coming back a day sooner. One night while drinking, we decided to become novios. The next day. I realized what I had done and had second thoughts. I called Sue to explain and she said she understood. It had been a month of dating and I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship yet. There was so much I still wanted to know about Sue.

Two weeks later, she invited me to meet the family. I was ready by then to meet the family. Mom was a very sweet lady who suffered from asthma. Dad was a silent guy who would only say hello and goodbye. Her sisters and brothers were nice as well. I was really happy to see that her parents were as dark-skinned as I was. Read my “Black man’s experience in Colombia” post and you’ll understand why I made the comment about being dark skinned. I was very impressed with Sue’s family home. It was the best looking house in that area. The inside was very nice with nice furniture. Sue had two 42” plasma TV’s. Oh! You’re Ballin’ I told her. She had just gotten a loan from the bank to put down on her new apartment. She told me she had bought everything herself because after her first divorce (@ 20 years old) her ex-husband took everything.

She vowed that would never happen again. She explained why she was divorced and I completely understood. I really enjoyed being with the family. I felt unusually comfortable around them. In almost an instant, I began learning more and more about Sue’s life. WOW! Sue was very ambitious and business savvy. Sue worked at a local bank. She owned an internet café, taxi and cleaning service. When she would listen to my business ideas, her eyes would become the size of daisies and her smile would brighten a thousand nights. We loved talking. Our conversations had dept and substance. She loved to sing, sing and sing. I would use my cell phone like a TV remote to pause, stop, play…etc…herJ Damn, I miss her!

Sue was very attentive, observant and always full of surprises. One day she called and said I would be receiving a gift today. Sure enough, her taxi arrived with a bouquet of roses. That was really sweet. Another time, would arrive greeting cards expressing her admiration for me. Finally, she gave me two of the best gifts I’ve every received here. I opened the little black and red box. Holy Sh!^! A Zippo a frickin’ Zippo and with a can of lighter fluid!!!!!!! She said she bought it because she always noticed me using matches. I was very grateful for the Zippo, but that fact that she noticed I was always using matches..blew me away. One day we were discussing my earrings.

She said she liked the round studs. I told her normally I would wear triangle studs, but I couldn’t find them in Colombia. A week later she gives me a box with two triangle studs inside. Holy Sh#$! She had them hand made.
One evening she asked me what are we. I couldn’t say friends. We were passed that. I couldn’t say bed buddies. That would have been rude. All I could think of, was you’re my girlfriend in training. She liked that. We were always together, holding hands and cuddling out and about in BQ. I thought everything was going great……and then!

The tables turn…..

One night Sue, in a round about way, Sue suggested that we become novios. I had no problems with this, but I told Sue I wanted a little more time. Sue told me that I had a good woman by my side and we must take opportunities when they come. I agreed with here, but I still told her I needed more time. Sue didn’t know I would be taking my vacation three weeks later. As a surprise, I was planning on taking her to somewhere romantic and there I would tell her in dept how I felt. I wanted her in my life. I thought I had more time. It was a Thursday night. We were conversing as usual. Sue told me that this Friday she was going to Bogota. I thought it was for business. She said her ex-boyfriend had bought her a ticket. He wanted to talk to her face to face!

Wounded Pride! Now, instead of telling Sue how I felt, I let my pride speak instead.
Big mistake! I told Sue, if she went to Bogota, don’t expect me to be here when she returned. I told her to think about it overnight. I and my wounded pride ended the night. The next day Sue’s calls me from the airport. She said she was going to Bogota. I told her to have a safe flight. I was talking with a friend (Gringos.com member English) and realized how much I really cared for Sue and that she was the one for me. I quickly ended the call with my friend. I tried calling Sue before she boarded the plane. I was sure she would answer. I had just spoken to her. Sh@#! Voicemail.

I tried to accept the fact she was gone and she and the ex would reconcile. I deleted her name and number. Less than a week later, I received an email from Sue. She explained how she still loved me and that I was the greatest guy she’d ever met. She wanted to talk to me. I only agreed to talk to her on messenger. She turned on her web cam. I didn’t want to hear her voice. It would have been too painful. She told me, during her trip to Bogota, she and the ex had become engaged. I wasn’t at all surprised. I’ve noticed in Colombia, ex boyfriends don’t stray to far from there ex-girlfriends. She asked me why couldn’t I have just told her we were novios? Why didn’t I stop her at the airport? I told her about the surprise I had planned and I did try to stop her at the airport. She broke down into tears and said oh God, what have I done?

We agreed to meet. We had dinner with her best friend and the American. The American asked her to compare me to the ex. Make your decision based on the pros and cons of each guy. I’ve learned from living here that logic, reasoning and the overall mentality of most Colombians are 180 degrees out from our own. She says she enjoys every minute spent with me. She enjoys the conversations. She enjoys dancing with me. I’m not jealous. I didn’t say anything if she wanted to get sh*$ faced drunk, hell..i’ll join ya! I didn’t say anything if she wanted to smoke, I smoke. She said I’m much taller than him. I’m more handsome than him. Now, the ex is totally the opposite of me.

Well the decision is obvious the American tells her. Not to mention, this guy left you before to be with someone else he adds. A few days later, she said she would call the ex and call off the marriage. Ha…Murphy’s Law…strikes again! She told the guy she was having second thoughts. It was a three day weekend coming up. He immediately bought a ticket to come here. He told her they would go ring shopping. I had emotionally had enough.

I told her to have a great life with him. I asked her why she was marrying this guy. She simply said she was confused and because he asked me. She said that a bird in the hand is better than two flying. (*note* that’s their expression here.) I told her if that was her best response, good luck on the marriage. (hmm, kinda makes you wonder about her mental state) Also, she was 27 about to turn 28. I guess she thought about the 30 year old woman rule that seems to plaque this country.

A few days passed and we didn’t speak. I knew what day and time she would be leaving. I had promised her I would be at the airport with her. I arrived at her house. We prepare to leave and the river of tears begun. While waiting at the airport, her best friend arrived. Her plane leaves at 4:30 it’s now 4:15. I told her it was time to leave. Hesitantly she stood up. She said she was scared. I told her marriage was something serious.

She said promise her if her marriage didn’t work, I wouldn’t say I told you so. I told her no….I’m gonna tell you. I told you so!
She smiled. Her best friend starts to cry. She starts to cry. I told her it wasn’t too late. I’m here! Your friends and families are here. Your life is here. She told me not to ever change and walked away. Her friend, who looks better than Sue, tells me to hold here. Not only did I feel like I was losing my baby, but my best friend as well.

Sure enough, a week later, they were married. Later, her best friend told me neither they nor her family wanted her to marry that guy… however; they respected her decision. They wanted her to be with me seeing how happy we were together. I’m 33 and just getting into the mind-set of finding a wife. Looking back, I would have married her in time. I guess I could of just proposed to her and just ride it out….huh? I didn’t want to rush into something that serious.

Sue was always honest with me and I didn’t want to play head games with her. She wanted to remain friends, but I thought it would be best to wait awhile. I didn’t want her to be confused and felt it may be unhealthy for her new marriage. Sue will always have a place in my heart. She has really set the bar.

I NOW KNOW what I want in a life long partner. I’m forever in her debt. It was very refreshing feeling, knowing someone was with me for who I was. I wish her all the blessings and happiness she is so deserving of. I never got a straight response to why she was marring this guy. When I told her she was only marrying this guy for false sense of stability. She put her head down.
Dating, for me, has been… if it’s too good to be true, it probably is! This wasn’t the case with Sue. She was the real deal!

Quick note:
Sue had a profile on Jaime’s site. It has since been removed per her request. After she met me, she asked him to remove it.

We live and learn. Sometimes we live to learn and learn to live. This all took place in a two month span and ended about a month ago.

Have a great evening!
WM

[John Wayne]

WM, you are very fortunite....

Glad to hear you lived to Hunt again....

I know some will critize me but this is how it is....

Stand ém on their heads...They all look alike....

Stand ém on their feet....They all think alike....

WM, your day is comeing when you meet the right one....Interesting story in your experiances.....

I however did not meet the right one till I was 40ish......And now we have 4 Begats...

And I love ém all......

[HonkyTonk]

WM, thanks for sharing your story of love lost with us. I think you dodged a bullet though. In the words of Leo Wernli: "If you can't decide between 2 women, neither is the right one." Just substitute 2 men. Although she decided, it tore her apart.

The last thing I want is a woman who doesn't really know what she wants.

I think you did everything right and it turned out best for you...

[AltoHombre]

Man, can I say something. It's hard, hard to know when the right opportunity has arrived. You pays your money and you takes your chances, and hind sight is 20/20.

The way you write your story, it sounds like you are thinking you made a big mistake. Maybe, maybe not.. only you know. But, no one is going to be perfect. No woman is with out flaws and needs aren't always perfectly met. You need to make a choice based on what's in your head and your heart and not hold back because you fear commitment, or that there's a better one out there.

i wish you well. I made a similar kind of choice at 27 and when the next time came around I was 37 and it wasn't as good a choice. I know that now. I wish I had known it then..


Tony

[frankiegravato]

wm,

Wow very deep story i def feel your pain ... thanks for the insight..

FWM -

I most certainly agree. We all live and learn, and we learn for the betterment of ourselves and people around us. I support your decisions 100% and I think you did what you had to do at that moment in time. Although reminiscing happens because controlling one's thoughts is not as easy as it appears; you will look back from time to time trying to make sense of a situation.

Hine site is always 20/20!

We win some -- we lose some!

Welcome back WM.

[Sailover]

It seems that in this (and many) culture it is more important that a woman be married, even miserably, than single and it shows. When you look at too many of the couples walking around, it is even worse than up at the WalMart in Des Moines. Bulldozing wives and his balls-in-her-purse husbands. But the golden goose is that when you do find the good one, life becomes sweeter than you can imagine. Of course you don't get much sleep, but somehow you don't care!

Thanks for sharing. I think we all have had similar experiences. That's why I propose early and often.

[Maxsweet]

wow, that was one of the best posts i have read on this site.
the woman you lost is the kind of woman that i would love to meet.
it is truly a beautiful thing to find a woman that will love you for who you are dirty drawls and all....
I think you did right thing by not rushing.
I am sure there is another one out there for you, (when you find her ask her if she has a friend for me...
Sue was just the prototype......

I will be praying for you

[TheFamousWingMan]

......a quick addition to the story. I've been talking with Sue's best friend. She came to see me last weekend. We had a great time talking at the bar here on the Air Force Base. I invited her again last night. Wow! She was looking great. Conversation was on the money. After a few rounds of drinks, I thought, "Hey...You know what?" "Fu#$ the other girl, She left me to go get married!" I went in for the kill! Now, I've noticed in Colombia. If you're a great guy and your girl has bragged about you to friends and family, those girls will wait. (like vultures on a limb, waiting for that relationship to die...not all...but many) I don't think this chica is like that, but the opportunity presented itself. I've seen it too many times. They look at it as.....oh, she didn't want this great man....so I'll take him. I moved in to kiss her, without hesitation she allowed. After the kiss, she said Sue is my best friend. I told her Sue found happiness, you have the right to do so as well. She kissed me. Now, my question to the Members of the Board. Do not I have the right to pursue happiness by any means, avenues or venues I see fit? I'd like to think so.
WM