Medellín, part 6

[Bueller]

Someone had arranged for a lady to take me to the airport for the same cost as a cab. Initially she said it wouldn't work out because she had to teach an English class at 8 a.m., but the way my friend described her she sounded like a good person that I would like to know, so I told her I would be willing to get to the airport an hour earlier than necessary for the chance to converse with her on the way. So she picked me up at 6:15, and we had a very interesting conversation all the way to the airport. I told her about Cristina, and she agreed with me that she just wasn't into me; she probably enjoyed the attention and encouraged it by calling me, but if she were really interested she would make the time to be with me. She's had her own experience of problems with gringos and what goes on between them and local girls. She commented on how gringos come and expect paisas to fall at their feet, and about things she has seen while translating for them--the disconnect between what she perceives about a fellow colombiana and the horse**** the colombiana spews out to try to convince a gringo that she is USDA Prime wife material.

She also told me about an experience she had just the week before with a gringo she met: he was standing in line at the pharmacy, fresh off the plane, and was trying to explain to the pharmacist what he wanted. Since they could not understand each other, she offered to help. When the transaction was complete, she gave the gringo her phone number and said to call if he needed anything, as an act of kindness and hospitality. That was at 8:30 p.m. At 11:30 p.m. she was awoken by a phone call from this palooka, who wanted her to go out with him that night and said he wanted to have sex with her. She hung up on him. This brought up a previous incident where a gringo friend of Pablo, hearing I was in town, asked if I was going up to such-and-such a cathouse, like many gringos do. Pablo said no.

As part of my career search I just read a book by Tom Peters called Reimagine!: Business Excellence in a World of Chaos. One of the major themes of the book is the immense opportunities being wasted by not marketing to women. Case in point: you know the story about how if a customer has a positive experience at a business he will tell five people, and if he has a bad experience he'll tell fifteen, or something like that. Well, here's what happens when you break that down by sex: A stockbroker friend of Peters oriented his business toward women, with huge success. Crazy for research, he said that his average male client recommends his services to 2.6 other clients. His average female client recommends him to...21!!!...other people. Women have bigger networks, and they talk to each other more. Or to bring up an old joke, the three fastest means of information transmittal are telephone, telegraph, and tell a woman. My point: if it's common knowledge among the guys that gringos like to go to cathouse X, what does that do to our reputation among the women? I suspect that's partly why I didn't manage to get together with Aracely, the girl Pablo introduced me to and I was supposed to go to lunch with. She works near Parque Lleras and probably sees and hears enough that we gringos already have something of a reputation to live down-- though not because of Pablo, of course. Although I loved Medellín, I was tempted not to write anything about it so as not to encourage more gringos to go, since many of them just reinforce the feminists' worst stereotypes of "exploitation". For those of us willing to be different and travel, we have the opportunity to meet some of the nicest, prettiest women in the world, and we're ruining it with short-sighted thrill-seeking. One thing's for sure: I can go the rest of the year without hearing another word about how awful American *women* can be.

Well, I loved Colombia and plan to return many times. I wouldn't rule out the idea of buying a retirement home near Florianópolis, Brazil, but I love Colombian people and what I have seen of their culture. There is still a chance that I will pick a smaller city to adopt as a second hometown, a place where gringos don't go.

[Lostagain]

Bueller,
Very informative post. Gringos new to Co. and the board should buy you a bottle of your favorite to say thanks for all the insights you gave them.
L.A.

[John]

Ted,

Thank you for the extensive trip BOOK report.

"There is still a chance that I will pick a smaller city to adopt as a second hometown, a place where gringos don't go"- Bueller

Just like Latinos, we Gringos are wonderful people, and that is why I live here in the beautiful USA most of the time, where Latinos and Gringos do go and live. Also, I have met awesome and compassionate Gringos living in Colombia, and as well as in Mexico, Costa Rica, Panama, England, and Peru.

Just like any group of society, we have Gringos who, in the past, sometimes have behaved not very diplomatic, including myself. However, I still love living where Gringos do go, where Latinos do go, where Asians do go, where...etc do go.

Again, thank you for the awesome trip report. We appreciate it. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Bueller]

Originally posted by John:
Ted,


Just like Latinos, we Gringos are wonderful people, and that is why I live here in the beautiful USA most of the time, where Latinos and Gringos do go and live. Also, I have met awesome and compassionate Gringos living in Colombia, and as well as in Mexico, Costa Rica, Panama, England, and Peru.

Just like any group of society, we have Gringos who, in the past, sometimes have behaved not very diplomatic, including myself. However, I still love living where Gringos do go, where Latinos do go, where Asians do go, where...etc do go. [img]smile.gif[/img]

John, I think my last paragraph was a bit too off the cuff and probably came off as a little too critical of my fellow Americans. Your reply reminds me of of one of my favorite columns by one of my favorite columnists, Jay Nordlinger of National Review, called "Love on the Arno", about his experience as an American student living abroad in Italy. The article also happens to be one of the author's own favorites. It's an interesting coincidence that this article was first published on the very weekend I arrived in Salamanca, Spain to study. Thanks for your reply and reminding me of this article, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

[HonkyTonk]

Good one Brother Bueller! I know how long it took to write and you came thru with a really good report. I wish others would.

You really do run into some, um "interesting" gringos in Colombia.

"...a place where gringos don't go."

I can relate.

[John]

I sure did, Ted. Thanks [img]smile.gif[/img]

[SCourt]

Bueller, well-written report. Thanks for taking all of the time, especially the recommendations for good native Spanish books.

If I took the capt.org test, I'd probably be that four-letter thing thatyou are too. I congratulate you on winging-it mostly on your own in Medellin. Obviously, your spanish-speaking skills make that not only possible but highly enjoyable.

One thing about your report that stands out to me is that you're willing to meet just about anyone and give serendipity a chance. That's a very humanist thing to do, but it's not practical unless you're willing to either primarily enjoy the company of young, immature, flake cases or some more mature women with dead-end jobs as opposed to the cream of the crop: the professional Colombiana who has been "passed over" because of their independent spirit and dedication to something other than what Colombian men expect out of a girlfriend.

If you keep doing what you're doing, which, btw, is MUCH better than what 80% of posters here do, you're going to be in pursuit of what is said in the world of stock market speculation as "looking for random rewards". That's the situation where you feel like you're winning with a certain approach, but when you suffer some setbacks, you quit your method and then look for a different one and on and on in a vicious cycle that leads to nowhere.

What to do?

Hang around professional friends in Colombia. You'll get into their network of friends and meet professional women. Now you're on a completely different playing field where the odds are better that you're going to find class, intelligence and non-flakey behavior.

Also, I don't know how old you are, but you need to lay off the early-20's and stick with the 28 to 35 crowd. The women you meet in that age bracket have the right amount of seriousness mixed with necessity but they're not yet to the point of giving up on long-term relationships. Of course, I'm referring to women with NO children yet but I don't think I have to give you the hard-sell on the problems with that.

Your friend in Medellin is not going to break you into the world I'm talking about. What I'm trying to get you to the point of mentally is to accept that these Colombian gringo matchmakers have no access to something you do just by being yourself and meeting the right people. The intermediaries that you will have to help you are other professionals who happen to be your friends through the course of your repeated visits.

Beuller, I can tell you're a really nice guy and I'd have a beer with you anytime (i.e., you pass the standard good-guy test . You have good first instincts. Listen to them. Your flake-o-meter is working perfectly. Like the pilots always say what rule #1 is: trust your instruments first.

If I had to generalize everything I just said, it's this:

Stick around stratus 5 income people in Colombia. They didn't get to that socio-economic level in life by accident.

Continued success in your journey,

Steve

[Austin]

arm-chair monday morning quarterbacks...

[Bueller]

Austin, I think I mentioned this in passing before, but it seems you're still a bit raw emotionally from your divorce and probably shouldn't be in a serious wife search just yet. There's something to be said for getting back in the saddle and riding again, but there's also something to be said for catching your breath first. Mis dos pesos...

[Austin]

I had no idea you were a relationship expert/psychologist. What a huge resource for the board. Let me guess...Kellogg's University? Maybe the board should giveaway "Bueller Bucks" toward discounts on your professional services. You're way off dude...nothing could be further from the truth. I'm just opinionated...BIG DIFFERENCE. Any wounds I did have from my divorce, are long-healed and forgotten Dr. B. If there is some confusion still, I'd be more than happy to clear it up for you. Please don't take offense because I found your "report" not all that interesting. Just my opinion. Thanks for your time and effort though, as it was appreciated by many of us. My original point was, and still is, is that there are too many armchair quarterbaks lurking around, that have never actually played the game, to use a football metaphor. Sorry to disappoint you but, my opinion in this thread has nothing to do with my past, current or future relationship status.