Rachel's Helpful Guide to Online Dating: For Men

[Bueller]

I found this link through instapundit.com last month, and got some good laughs out of it. If you're trying to meet someone online, you might get some good tips here:

http://www.rachellucas.com/dubious_advice/

[Sailover]

Effing hell. Is it any wonder I take the risks to live SOTB when THIS is what American women think works. (and sadly, IT OFTEN DOES!)

[Tinto]

Bueller,

I too had a good laugh reading Rachel's tongue-in-cheek advice. Thanks for posting it.

How about loading up some of those "profile" photos I sent you for the rest of the troop's benefit?

[Bueller]

I don't know how to load photos. Be my guest.

I emailed that Rachel link to someone. They emailed me this in response:

http://www.americanwomensuck.com/

[Bueller]

That's coming on a bit strong. Rachel was pretty rough on women, too.

She had some good points to make, like: ix-nay the word "princess" (speaking to the women) from your profile; DON'T WRITE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE IT DOESNT HELP ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DO IT WITHOUT ANY PUNCTUATION OR PARAGRAPH BREAKS OR OTHER TECHNIQUES FOR GOING EASY ON YOUR AUDIENCES EYES AND IT MIGHT JUST MAKE PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE PSYCHO LIKE THE DUDE IN MY AVATAR; don't post a picture of yourself with a member of the opposite sex, especially if it's obviously your ex; don't use hackneyed phrases like you're the only one who ever thought of them; and for Pete's sake use a spell-checker-- it's not like your search is something important, after all.

[Tinto]

I thought her comments about covering up after her online dating "advice" was equally good:

Cover that thing up.

On Saturday night, my totally perfect boyfriend and I went to a place that happened to be very heavily skewed toward the young white trash population. Not because he and I are young white trash (the proper label for us would 35-year-old professional nerds), but because we wanted to go see something that for whatever reason, lots of scary youth also wanted to go see. ANYWAY, the parade of horrific fashion was truly a sight to behold, and reminded me of something I've always wanted to ***** about publicly: the disturbing trend among young women of having absolutely no shame whatsoever and walking around where other people can see them with their bellies hanging out.

And I'm not talking about cute girl bellies, people. Not even a little. I'm talking about the kind of belly that is several inches larger in circumference than either your boobs or your butt. The kind of belly I used to see every day when I worked for an OB/GYN except that those women really WERE pregnant. The kind of belly that, no matter how much "self-esteem" you have, is not something to ask the world to behold and to love.

It's not like these girls are accidentally showcasing their jellyrolls, either; that, I could live with. Nobody's perfect. But that's not the deal with these girls. I lost count of how many of them I saw walking around wearing skin tight baby-tee shirts tucked into skin-tight jeans with belt squeezed as tight as possible, resulting in silhouettes closely resembling balloon animals. Three bulges - smallish one for hips, smallish one for boobs, and very large one in the middle.

Why? Why do they do this? What happened in the last ten years that made young women SO PROUD of their bodies that they lost all reasonable sense of what constitutes "attractive"? It can't possibly be that they just don't care, based on the rest of their ensemble. Full makeup, carefully styled hair, nice shoes, pretty jewelry, blah blah. They do care, they care very much, and that's what confounds me so deeply when I see their rotund bellies protruding out so bravely. It's like they looked in the mirror and said, "How can I make myself look as mis-shapen as humanly possible?" then grabbed the tiniest shirt they could find and stretched it almost beyond its limits over their gut.

And you know, while I'm on a rant about bad fashion: Guys, can I have a word with you please? What in the name of Thorgivold is going on with the man-pris, flip-flops, and polo shirts with the collar up? Seriously. It's unfathomably annoying. And what I mean by man-pris is those shorts you wear that hit right below the knee, just like capri pants for women. I actually don't mind the shorts or the flip-flops themselves, it's the completion of the look with the absolutely ridiculous shirt that makes me want to yell bad things at you. There are some fashions that should be left in the 1980's and never discussed again, and one of those things is raised collars on polo shirts. (Others include stretch pants, jelly shoes, and sideways ponytails - I think I have a photo of myself demonstrating all three at once. I should have been mauled by a bear, but I don't think any bear would have wanted to touch me.)

Back to the girls: For the love of all that is green on this planet, WHAT IS WITH THE TRAMP STAMPS? You know, the lower-back tattoos sported by every single female under the age of 28 these days. Do you girls have any everloving idea what that thing is gonna look like when you're middle-aged? NOT SEXY. I've got nothing against tattoos per se - I have one on my ankle (I know! how original!) and I think they can be very hot on men in the right places, but seriously, the lower-back thing, it just looks like a target if you know what I mean ladies.

One last thing: the Emo look. Part goth, part Joey Ramone without the talent, 100% gobsmackingly ridiculous. Black pants tight all the way to the heel, black Converse Allstars, silver-stud belts, black nail polish, long greasy dark hair combed over the face to show just how NONCONFORMIST and REBELLIOUS you are. We did that look and attitude about 25 years ago, kids. And it's no cooler now than it was then. Poor baby, do you smoke pot and write in your journal about how mean and oppressive society is for a creative, sensitive soul like yourself? Awwww. How adorable and unique.

[Bueller]

I thought this was an interesting observation in the comments section, by "puredata", after describing how he met his wife online:

"Here is a secret - the "marginal" ads with few or no pics but well-written paragraphs are the unmined gold of the online dating world.

Behind them lies some gorgeous, funny, and tough, but private people. Some are very, very careful with their time so it takes time to figure out who they are."

[Mark]

Excellent resources! I've long tried to verbalize just to explain what is wrong with Western Women. Those site tend to highlight the extreme obvious points but I wonder how others have been able to describe the situation without being accused of being too generalist.