Going to Colombia and not looking for a wife!!!!!!!!

[Tim413]

Here is some background. On April 2nd 2006 Herlinda came to the US from Colombia, and we got married on May 19, 2006. I will write more on this and her adjustment next week. Herlinda had been in the US for fifteen months before we went back to her home in Barranquilla. Our trip to Colombia was from July 4th to July 11, 2007.

Our trip was great!!!!!!! We wanted to do three things: visit her family, go to her best friend's wedding, and talk to church leaders. Herlinda had a personal goal of making sure her friends knew she loved them even though she now lived in the US. My personal goal was getting to know her family better.

Herlinda's family was wonderful to us, and this was my highlight. The last time I saw them they were not sure if I was someone they could trust. Now they trust me!!!!!!! This made our times together very enjoyable. I really enjoyed sitting outside Herlinda's house talking with her family and watching people. The most relaxing thing I have ever done. I look forward to doing this more on future trips.

Where Herlinda grew up is a poor area. The people are friendly. Everyone goes from house to house visiting. Also, people help their neighbors out when they have a problem. They still have problems where Herlinda's family lives, but everyone seems to be family.

One thing that helped me create good relations with Herlinda's family was living in an apartment and visiting her home or inviting her family to visit us at our apartment. I think if I lived at her house while I was there I would have not adjusted well. I think her family would have done well with me living in their house. Now after this trip, I am sure I could live at her house since I am very comfortable with everyone.

I still don't know how people have sex without everyone in the house and all the neighbors knowing what is happening. I guess people don't care if someone is having sex. The houses are not that private.

On this trip I learned more Spanish. I am not a fast learner, so I need a lot of help. My teachers in Barranquilla were children. They really loved helping me!!!!!! One little girl, who was three years old, was working as hard as she could to help me pronounce words properly. After around ten minutes of helping me, this little, cute girl got so frustrated she put her head on the table and cried. Oh well!!!!!!!

After my wife had been back in Colombia for three days, she was very upset at her culture. She could clearly see people deceiving us. This made Herlinda very sad. In the past I really did not see this because I didn't interact with the locals. On this trip I interacting with many people, which meant I saw things I could not see before. For Herlinda many people treated her like a gringo. This was new for her.

In the past, the only person who treated Herlinda like a gringo was her Colombian boss. After her boss in Colombia found out that she had an American boyfriend, she would not pay her what she was owed and increased her hours. The funny thing was that this lady had an American boyfriend, also.

Another high light was going to Herlinda's best friends wedding. Everyone at the wedding was to wear white. Herlinda had a hard time finding white cloths, and I heard many others had a hard time finding white cloths. This was fun seeing a Colombian wedding and spending time with Herlinda's friends.

Herlinda's friends live in the same poor area that Herlinda grew up. Many of these people only have money to pay for the basic needs. Most of the people who came to the wedding probably spent their food money to buy white cloths for the wedding. Many of the people at the wedding did not come to the reception because I think people did not have enough money for transportation.

The last highlight was meeting with church leaders. Before we visited Barranquilla, Herlinda would tell her church friends what we were doing in Massachusetts. Her friends became very interest and wanted us to teach them to do the same things. Our message is simple: leaders can follow Jesus' ministry principle in their ministries. We meet and talked to around seventy leaders, and one leader even came all the way from Argentina to hear the message. Hopefully we can go back and help the leaders practice what we taught. I was impressed with many of the leaders. They were very cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jamie helped us translate our teaching handouts from English to Spanish. We are grateful for all his help!!!!!!!!! His translators did a wonderful job.

Now that I am married, I have to deal with new things. Guys at the hotel in Barranquilla were trying to pick up my wife. This happens all the time in the US, but most guys do this when my wife is at college or shopping by herself. Herlinda has a lot of fun with this in the US by showing the guys her rings, and they stop asking. In Colombia these guys did this in front of me!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!! In Colombia the guys were more aggressive.

One more thing I would like to mention is about our flights. When we flew to Barranquilla, we transfered planes in Aruba. I thought transferring planes in Aruba would be like Panama, but it wasn't. In Aruba we had to go through customs to transfer plans. Also, when I checked in to get our boarding pass, Avianca, charged me for being a gringo. They did not charge Herlinda because she had a Colombian passport. I told them that all fees were included in the price of the tickets, but they would not give me the boarding pass until I paid. When we left Barranquilla to go back to the US, Avianca charged both of us an additional fee. Here again I said all fees were included in the price of the tickets, but they would not give us a boarding passes until I paid the fee. This time Avianca said the airport just raised the airport tax and my ticket price didn't include this increase.

Life is different in Colombia. I like Colombia and I like Massachusetts. I look forward to going back and visiting Barrananquilla soon.

Thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!!

Tim

[Clay]

Tim, fees on a tickect purchased here usually only pay the US taxes. Most latin countries have a departure tax.
If you have a reciept showing clearly that you have paid all departure taxes just call your credit card company and get them to deduct it.

[GrizGator]

Hi Tim:

Enjoyed your report, especially coming from a guy who is happily married. There are so many guys on the board right now who are "negative" about the n the past, the only person who treated Herlinda like a gringo was her Cpossibility of finding a Colombiana, bringing her to the U.S., and having a happy, successful marriage, I am encouraged by your experience so far.

I am leaving for Colombia tomorrow and will be there for two weeks. Part of the time will be in Colombia with her family and the other part of the time will be in San Andres for vacation.

I get along very well with my wife's family. In fact, I am told that some of them have started taking English lessons because they want to be able to speak with me (I guess they are not impressed with the progress I am making on my SPanish!).

Interesting experiences in your wife's neighborhood. My wife was born and raised in north Bogota. Her parents were middle class. Some of her family is upper to middle class and some are lower middle class. I don't think I'd classify any of them as poor. However, the neighborhood is not open and sharing like you describe. My wife and her family pretty much stay inside the house, other than walking to the store or to visit relatives who live around the corner. There is some fear. I have never met any of their neighbors, other than the family. I guess it is just big city living and the extreme difference between the "haves" (by Colombian standards) of north Bogota and the "have nots" of most of the rest of the city.

I will be interested to see how folks treat my wife....now that she is a gringo wife. Never thought that she'd be treated differently by her own people. Very interesting.

Interesting about the wedding. We had some people come to the wedding, but not the reception. It's possible that it could relate to transportation costs , but it also might be that folks who could not afford to bring a gift, would not attend. When we got married, I wanted to put something on our invitation to the effect of "no gifts please" (but in a tactful way). My wife said we could not do that because in Colombia, if they cannot bring a gift, they will not come!

And, yes, I can believe that some of these proud Colombians would spend their food money to buy clothes to attend the wedding or to buy a gift. That's the way they are....at least in my experience.

Your wife wears here rings in Barranquilla? Wow. My wife only wears her wedding band. She tells me her throat would be cut in Bogota if she wore her engagement ring....by the thief taking it. I will be interested to see if anyone hits on my wife in front of me. Given that I am much bigger than most Colombians, most of them stay away from us.

Look forward to hearing more of your experiences in the future.

Griz

[Cubafro]

Thanks TIM for sharing this with us; I really appreciate that; I got a question though....How do deal with that? I'm pretty sure you might be jealous or feel incomfortable by the fact that all those sharks are turning around your wife like that? Did you feel any trust toward her going down or ?
If yes , how did you manage that feeling?
I'm preparing myself for that situation that'swhy I ask...
Griz I hope the fact you are bigger help you but I don't know how colombians back there are but don't count on it because they just don't care about your size, trust me!!!!
I'm a huge guy too, Not fat and even here impress people by my physic but I remember in CUBA this guy so tiny who didn't give a **** of that and was chasing my girl at that time while I was there.....for sure he got some beating but just to show you that it may not do the difference


CUBA

[Tim413]

Hi everyone,

Here are responses to your posts.

Clay,

You are right about tickets. I am confused about having to pay a tax for being a gringo in Aruba.

grizgator,

Have a great time in Colombia visiting your wife's family on hanging out in San Andres.

Herlinda and I are working on having a good marriage. Next week I will post about Herlinda's adjustment. Now we have a great time together, but the adjustment was not easy for both of us.

I don't know much about Bogota. Hopefully someday I can visit. My wife says that the lifestyle of her neighborhood can be seen all over Barranquilla even in wealthy areas. From my view point, it looks like many wealthy areas in Barranquilla do not have the freeness that the poor areas do.

I asked Herlinda about her rings. She told me that thieves don't bother people that are not showing off their rings. My wife has five big brothers. I am sure this helps, also.

I look forward to reading your trip report when you get back from your vacation!!!!!!!

CUBA,

Before Herlinda came to the US, many guys tried to be Herlinda's boyfriend. This was when we were engaged, and I was in the US. I had a hard time with this since these guys knew Herlinda was engaged. In fact, guys came to our engagement party in Colombia with the desire to persuade Herlinda to change her mind and choose them. I was confused many times.

Now here in the US, I do have to work at not becoming jealous when guys befriend Herlinda. Since we became married, Herlinda is very faithful and pushes away any guy that is to friendly. I can trust her!!!!!! With the guys that approach Herlinda, I just try to be nice and understanding.

I hope this help CUBA

Have a geat day!!!!!!!!!!!

Tim

[Cap'n Jib]

Tim,

Thanks for the great post!

Having experienced Colombian guys hitting on my gal, I understand completely. Of course S. is a bit older and has more experience in handling these situations, aside from having been a professional educator. If nothing else, it shows you have good taste and other guys do as well.

IMO I think you have offered a lot for guys to think about. Thanks Again!

[TBOND]

TIM GREAT REPORT AND CONGRATS!!!

ITS GREAT TO HEAR THE POSITIVES FOR A CHANGE.. FROM WHAT I AM READING YOU SAY THAT YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE WORKING AT BEING HAPPY AND i THINK THAT'S KEY ..

AS LONG AS YOU ARE BOTH COMITTTED TO WORK AT IT..ITS GOING TO LAST.

NOTHING BUT THE BEST

TB

[LastLion]

TIm sounds like you got a gal with her head on straight.

I am wondering if they hang out on the porch and stuff because it is more of a natural coastal lifestyle. I did see a lot of that going on in Santa Marta, **** I just wanted to go and hang out withem!!! That is my kinda lifestyle!!!

Tim I really like it when you post, I appreciate your time, you are really helping gringos I hope you know that!!!

[Tim413]

Cap'n Jib, TBOND, and LastLion,

I am glad everyone likes my posts!!!!!!! The things I have done right is because of everyones posts here on Gringos. Hearing what the culture is like in Colombia from those who have gone before me has really helped me make good decisions. I am glad I can continue this tradition.

Yes......... ****ting outside my wife's family's house was very relaxing. When I did this, the world just went by peacefully.

LastLion, next time you are in Santa Marta maybe you can find a place to chill out. I know when Herlinda and I were in Santa Marta the local store had seats outside where we sat and enjoyed life while talking to the locals. We went to this local store so many times, the little kids always came up to us and wanted to play. I really liked spending time with the kids!!!!!!!!!!! We had a bast together.

Have a great day!!!!!

Tim

[El Capitan]

Originally Posted by Tim413

...Yes......... ****ting outside my wife's family's house was very relaxing. When I did this, the world just went by peacefully....

Have a great day!!!!!

Tim

I know what you meant, but I had o have a laugh nonetheless! Yes, Nothing like being able to relax after a good one!

Thanks Tim...I'm really enjoying your persepective on things...