HonkyTonk Storms Bogota...Again

[HonkyTonk]

Just another R&R trip for Tonk. I need them more and more so maybe time for another line of work. Stayed at Charlie's Place/LAI again. I didn't use the agencies services to meet any new ladies. I just really didn't want to mess with it this trip and I knew 2 pretty good women from last year so I spent all my time with them. I don't regret it. I stayed there last year, had a great time, so why not again. Still damn good people and even some new things being tried to bring in the gringo's and make some extra cash to keep things alive. There are not many gringo's going to Bogota now, and my gut tells me that not near the amount going to the other cities as well. I look for agencies to start folding soon, but don't think LAI will be one. If in Bogota, LAI is definitely worth a look.

First off, there's no way in hell I'm going to let Bill123 out do me in anything except pinching a dollar, which I suck at. Date drives up in her own car and asks me to drive. Say what?? She says she's insured and off we go, me with no drivers license. My John Deere rider has more get up and go than this worn out Mazda. That concerned me more than the driving. Driving is a snap there believe it or not and I'm talking rush hour and all. The rule of thumb? "Go! It's always your turn no matter what" Never forget that and you will drive fine. It's kinda like a great big demolition derby where everybody misses the other guy, most of the time. Make a lane if there isn't one. Want to go over there right now even though your 4 lanes off? Re-read my rule of thumb above. Hesitate and you will be a Colombian stastitic. Drive like you're up here and your toast. Messed up once....that is while driving. Unicentro is only a 6-8 minute taxi ride from Charlie's and about 4,000 pesos ($1.73 @ 2,300 per dollar). Do not drive a car there. You will be stopped and the trunk ransacked. This is Colombia remember and they are at war. Took 20 minutes to find a parking spot. Then I remembered my rule of thumb and applied it to parking. I made my own spot. It worked! I still can't figure this. 10,000,000 cars in the parking lot...5,000,000 people in the mall. Why the extra cars? I think it's where car thieves dump the trash they've stolen. What other explanation can you give for all this Korean **** in one place? I can figure this stuff out. I am smarter than I look But I have not messed up yet. Time to leave. Cars are gridlocked converging on this salida from everydamn direction but in. 10 minutes later it my turn but I don't have a ticket. So what! Not to her. 2,500,000 cars directly behind me and I have to back this car up thru ALL of them and you'd think they wouldn't budge an inch. Horns blaring, old men waving their frail arms frantically ( as if they could actually do something) and I remembered the rule of thumb. I just went and they scattered. I'm serious. I made a lane where there was none. That would have gotten me shot in NY. Total time spent driving there, parking, attempting to leave then doing it backwards and driving out...about 1 1/2 hours. In a taxi to and fro...about 12-16 minutes. Maybe I'm not smarter than I look....

I was enjoying the hell out of my new passion, unscathed demolition derby, when the unimaginable happened. My date got robbed and semi molested 4 blocks from her home after our date. Punk ass broke her right passenger window, dove in, molested her with his hands for no ****in reason than to terrorize her, and made off with her purse. Much more difficult for the Colombians to lose their very important "papers". I was so mad I could have gone looking for this 18 year old son of a ***** and killed him with my bare hands. She was cut, bruised but generally ok considering. I'm not sure I can explain to you Gringos how mad I was. I told her in the US as soon as my window broke I'd shoot his sorry ass 5x. She didn't understand saying he was only a robber. Cultural differences I guess.

More on safety. I've said this before but will say it again Do not ever expect your date to keep you safe. You are responsible for your own ass in Colombia, or wherever you go south of here. I've been lead into harms way more than one time and almost another this time. Both of my dates lives on the SW side of Bogota, not the best side by any means. Getting dark and we get out of the taxi and I immediately knew I was not in Kansas anymore These people had NEVER seen a gringo. Bought a couple buckets of chicken and stuff at a small tienda and walked thru the rubble to her home. I would not take my 4X4 on these streets. Totally broken up former streets of bricks, big rocks, Daewoo eating craters, mounds of debree, dirt and....dogs..everywhere, and no lights at all. Gringo's, I'm just 3 small steps from hell. House actually pretty nice, very typical Colombian. Great family. My house is your house is always spoken to you when you are accepted in Latin America. Soon the house is literally packed with people from their church with 3 guitars and songs a singing. It was great. Here's a great black family with an entire church full of young latino's and their girlfriends, and this tall very white dude with blue eyes all in one place having the times of our lives. The Colombians know how to be happy with the barest of necessities. All under one roof and in complete contentment and harmony. There's something to be learned from this. But all good things must pass and the church crowd leaves. It's late and all others to the sack but me, my date and her young son. I can think of worse situations to be in but it is time to crash at my hotel. No way my date tells me. It is very dangerous out there now. We don't go out after dark ever. Of course this is all in Spanish. No English spoken here. EarIier I asked her over and over if we were able to get a taxi here and she said no problem............till it's time to split. Her phone only calls in, not out. The streets are totally deserted except a blue zillion dogs and shadowy figures, and no lights. Now change the small fact that her sister, brother in law, their 2 kids and her kid were there and I could think of no reason not to stay except I had nothing but the clothes on my back on. "I'm outta here one way or the other" I said. She wakes up her pretty cool brother in law and off we go thru the mean streets of Bogota at 12am. Now I am sticking out like Dolly Parton's tits with height and white dress shirt and all. This was like a goddamn safari with man eating beasts all over and no .357. What a man won't go thru for nookie. We finally see a glow in the distance and head there. Great place! Everybody drunker than Ted Kennedy. Kids not 10 years old being handed a Poker beer, and the phone is fupped I'm down to my last 200 peso coin and viola! It worked. Now let's hope the taxi can find this place but we can't wait there. I wouldn't last 5 more minutes in this cantina. The latina's like that I'm tall but now I wish I was Tattoo on Fantasy Island. I'm sure I can whip 4 or 5 of these drunks, but not the whole bar so off we treck back to her house. If the taxi can't make it back, I'll be forced to spend the night in her bed.....with her 2 year old Tonk can't win in this old world but there is light! 45 min later the taxi bounces thru the rubble and snags me. But we havn't left Purgatory just yet. The driver comes to the first intersection and stops dead cussing a blue streak. I get the gist of it. HOW IN THE GODDAMN HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DRIVE ON THIS (BLEEP) AND WHAT DIRECTION DO I GO IN TO GET OUT etc and so on. What could I say? I just said....malo calles...no? There was nowhere to go but up and over all this crap and mounds of dirt. What an experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I could have easily been a victim of Colombia's most common crime...street robbery. I will say it again, don't ever think your lady will keep you safe. Many don't have a clue what life can be like for a Gringo in South America, especially Colombia.

Gunshots as usual. I think it was the same night. Got back to the Hotel and about 1:30am BAMN....bamn bamn bamn......BAMN bamn bamn bamn. Sounded like rifle shots and the military all over this area so...what were they shooting at? I don't know and didn't give it a second thought. I was ready for bed.

Wanted to get some general dental work done while I was in Lima in April but when I saw the general condition of their teeth compared to Colombia, I decided to put it off. A kind Gringo gave me the phone # of a dentista he used named Pilar Morales. I got general quality work done here for aprox. 1/3 the cost of my local dentist. It can easily cover the cost of your airfare in savings and I'm talking quality work. I will also post this info under Money Matters. Her office phone is 235-7791, 235-9918 and her address is Cra 26, #52-A-15. It's near downtown or 15 minutes from Charlie's if not in rush hour. I can recommend her and her sister Yolanda. Pilar speaks English.

Not much new to report as far as restaurants. Last Aug. I posted a report and mistakenly identified a restaurant I have been to many times as Mama's. I just go there, I don't read the sign My mistake. I have been to both places but my favorite is the restaurant next door El Gato Negro (The Black Cat) Sorry Gringos. Live music after about 8-8:30pm. This is located in Parque 93. Another very good restaurant not mentioned last year is in Usaquen Park and is called Tinaja Tizon Calle 119 # 6-06.. Living high on the hog, red wine and all (mucho) came to about $50 with a tip. Can easily be done for $30 but it was my last night there and......

All in all a great trip as usual in Bogota. Some small things. 2 of the finest looking women in all of Colombia work at Charlie's, Claudia and Jenny. I can assure you your eyes will pop at the sight of Colombia's finest, and personalities to boot. It doesn't get much better than this. Colombia is a very dangerous country but go anyway. I've said it before...you won't be killed unless you're a dumbass. It's a great country filled with wonderful people. Choose your city and just do it. You will not be disappointed unless you're one of the misfit gringos I ran into there. Avoid them. They will stick out like a teenager on Viagra. It is NOT cool to be obnoxioux and loud in this country. Do not go out with them!!

The good agencies need gringos to come on down. The women are hitting a dry spell with us. Believe me, they are waiting with open arms. If Bogota is on your wish list, send some great people an email and come on down. I am a shill for no one, and there's nothing in it for me, but if undecided where to go, I don't think Charlies is a bad choice. I'm a South American hoe and I can stay wherever I want, but when in Bogota I stay at Charlie's. Others did too that weren't using his services. Bogota is very under rated in my book. I like the cool weather there compared to the unbearable heat here in Georgia.

It's late and has been a very long day. I think that just this morning I was in my favorite other country and now I am back to the reality of our fast paced hectic life. As usual I feel a little down, but not as much as my 1st trip when I thought I found the future Mrs. Tonk. Even with the apparrent danger, it is the most peaceful place I have ever been. If you don't understand that, then you need to experience it firsthand.

Of course, as usual, this is how I saw things there, you could see things differently. No importa

[Bill123]

Great report.

I never thought of needing a driver's license other than the one I had from my state when I was driving down there. Do we need an international license?

Great Post HT. You are a funny feller.

I have been a Mexico guy for a while but I still crave the sights and smells of Bogota. I remember one night in a dance place in the zona rosa of Bogota with this incredible music, the smell of cigars and me dancing with this honey and her singing in my ear. WOW!!! It have been 2 years and I still remember it very well.

Richard

HT,
I would have just crashed in the woman's house. I wouldn't want to be wandering around looking for a cab at midnight in a city here.

[HonkyTonk]

WASP, I hear you and I should have. I didn't like being BS'd to about being able to get a taxi then being told no. I think it was the plan. I don't recommend to anyone being determined to the point of being stupid. If a gringo would walk those streets at night 5x, odds are 1x you'd be robbed. High probability in my book. I chanced it and won, next time......?

Bill, I was told my Ga. drivers license was all I needed, but I don't know. I didn't even have it with me at any time. I don't think there is an international drivers license. Just make sure the car is insured.

[Laredo]

You are correct about the agencies needing good Gringos to come down. I have said opn this forum that more guys should visit this city, because so many women are looking for good men. This is the situation I found when I have visited Bogotá the past three times. I am going back there on the 30th myself. I have not found the right one myself, but this does happen.

And as for the climate, I can take Bogotá any day over Upstate New York, which has been horrifically hot this summer.

HTonk, great report. Laredo, yep, upstate NY/ western NY has been hotter than I'd like. (I live in an upper apt. with a flat black roof and no AC, just a fan). Just in case the cops want to take your state driver's license, bring and show an international one which can be obtained for free at any AAA office if you're a member. (I still haven't gotten mine from AAA yet) Other than Canada, I won't drive in a foreign country because if I get into an accident, as in Mexico, I could be locked up because accidents are considered crimes in most latin countries.