Expectations and other nonsense.

[Cap'n Jib]

During dinner tonight the Mrs. and I entered the ‘Twilight Zone’ with respect to communicating…ok…the lack there of. (The subject was …..sewing cushions.)

Thus far, we have managed to get along quite well in spite of the fact we are total strangers, speak different languages and for all I know come from different planets. Our primary “coping“ technique has been talking slowly and trying to slow down our thoughts. Some of you already see the problem here. You can do one perhaps, but both…ya have to be kidding.

Another area of concern is thinking the other knows MORE than they do. Quite easy to see the potential problems here.

Of course it is possible that they may not, they may know LESS…so being mature adults we “talk down“ to the other. Good Thinking! This technique is guaranteed to create some interesting moments in the relationship dance.

Sometimes I really wonder if learning the language is the answer….what could possibly be wrong with just sex?

We are at that stage in our relationship where we really want to communicate subtle thoughts and ideas. Often it works quite well for us. The other times…..let’s just say we are a work in progress.

Most of the time we really do not expect much from the other concerning my (English/Spanish) and her (Spanish/English). But there are indeed times.

We have of course talked about this and we have identified one area of particular interest. Yesterday I may have had total (as I understand that words’ meaning) recognition of the words and phrases. IN THAT CONTEXT! Tomorrow, she says something similar, or identical from her perspective, and I do not GET IT. Not one word! Of course it is the same in reverse for her.

It is our expectations of for the other that causes problems. We tend to forget the context…..context……context! :mad:

[Lostagain]

And Cap'n you have it easy. Now throw in the mind of the campesina and it really gets strange at times. You need to deal with the fatalism and refusal to plan for the future; the superstitions; tendencies to not accept the ambiguities of any given situation (it's black or white!), distrust of all men who, of course, are always out looking to put it into some other nice warm moist place; an unwillingness or inability to follow through with process, be it a government procedure, taking the full course of antibiotics, calling the bank about the improper charge, ...; or, thinking anyone cares when you are 2 hours late and haven't called anyone to let him or her know.

I absolutely marvel at times how we manage to communicate. My wife is a wonderful sweet person [as, of course, are her sisters ] but sometimes it is a real challenge in basic communication. Though she has developed a pretty good English vocabulary and is willing to speak it with others, she completely refuses to speak it with me. And, she thinks I am far more fluent in Spanish than I is really the case, so when don't understand or a mis-communication occurs, she refuses to believe I was f'ing lost.

But, then, at least I can ask her about the meaning of my dreams, what numbers may be important for me, or what herb is best to use to get rid of the ailment about which I am complaining. She will tell me her mother boiled this and that and that is what she took and it always worked. Whether to get rid of someone who was bothering you or to make the colic go away.

[LastLion]

OH man you guys are definetely in foreign/ alien territory!

Hmmmmm, do you have your protective suits on men??? Are you getting enough oxygen Captain Captain and Sergant Lost again?

[Catameran]

Originally Posted by Lostagain

I absolutely marvel at times how we manage to communicate. My wife is a wonderful sweet person [as, of course, are her sisters ] but sometimes it is a real challenge in basic communication. Though she has developed a pretty good English vocabulary and is willing to speak it with others, she completely refuses to speak it with me. And, she thinks I am far more fluent in Spanish than I is really the case, so when don't understand or a mis-communication occurs, she refuses to believe I was f'ing lost.

My wife will only speak to me in Spanish even though she has been learning English for 3 years. I can 't fully express myself in Spanish so may use shortcuts which creates misunderstanding. It puts me at a disadvantage. Men who only speak English and make her learn English to communicate with him may have the right idea.

[Lostagain]

If you speak only the man's English, the situation will simply be reversed and the man will think she understands when she hasn't a clue.

The only thing you can do is laugh at the situation and keep trying to build your vocabulary. I try to read García Márquez to get a little better idea of her reality. It helps.

Last night I had a snake dream and practically pushed her out of bed trying to get away from the snake which was chasing me. I told her what happened and she explained the whole thing to me. Now I understand.....

[Clay]

"superstitions"

That is a very big word to a latina