My new family.....

[Sawyer]

Jib- yes I think most people don't even think about reversing the roles. My wife and I are talking about spending a year in Colombia with our kids in a couple years. Would I move to another country for the right lady, yes. Would I be able to handle the adjustment, I don't really know. I would like to think I could, but I don't know.

The thing about this whole thing is finding the lady is the easy part, and I think Griz would agree, given the he has been married for 2 years now. Griz I can tell you if you keep working at your passion for each other and work on the communication, things can actually improve.

There are so many elements to having a successful marriage with a Latina that people just can't comprehend all the different variables that come into the relationship. Having a happy, loving, passionate and successful marriage is the hardest thing we will do (in my opinion). That is regardless of being married to a person from a different culture, with a different language and all that. Now add in all those other variables. It takes a lot of work.

I was lucky/blessed that I found my wife. We have a lot in common, and we are convinced that there was a higher power that had a hand in bringing us together. I won't go into all the details around that, but time and time again the evidence of that shows through.

When I first started posting again a couple of weeks ago, Honk reminded me of why I left the forum 5-6 years ago. Many guys were getting on me cuz they thought I was p-whipped. I don't think it is that, I think it is the fact that my relationship with my wife comes first, always! If I didn't do that and approach things that way, there are many times I can look back on where I would have called it quits.

I just wish there were more guys like Griz keeping people updated on things as they progress over the years. I know the guys I have talked to over the past 10 years who have or are still married, all seem to say very similar things to what I'm saying.

If you find the right lady, Latina or not, then all the work is so worth it!

[Cap'n Jib]

“Many guys were getting on me cuz they thought I was p-whipped.” – Sawyer

Well from my perch, if I HAVE to be whipped by something, can’t think of anything better…….!

Don’t know for sure but I would hazard a guess that those who advocated the ‘caveman’ approach, were actually jealous. Perhaps the saddest part is that they didn’t even know they were.

Without some healthy introspection from time to time, we all have a tendency to head off in one direction or another with the belief we are totally correct or right.

Years ago I developed the philosophy “Never miss the opportunity to prove I am WRONG!" This usually gives me the chance to beat everyone else to it.

[Micky10]

Cn'J -
I can not believe that you are calling me a green card shark! So what if I am? I get to stay in Medellin and Dora gets, er, well, um; never mind.

Sawyer -
There is a lot of truth in some of what you say, much of what you say. I am though not of the mind that the marriage takes a lot of work. Being serious and committed, yes, a LOT of work, no. For one of my weak and stupid paralles (sp?) it is like having a car that you HAVE to work on all the time, when do you get to drive it? One more thing. That was a GREAT comment about "I thought my love would be enough for her, but it wasn't". I am not sure if that is a pride thing or ego, just us men thinking we can make anything work, but a great statement none the less! Continued success.

Love - Micky

[Sawyer]

Micky, marriage does take a lot of work, at least to keep things full of love, happiness and pation. Life has a way of beating us down. With work, kids and other details of life, it is hard to keep on track. Now I'm not saying I don't love the work of keeping my marriage that dream relationship, because I love to work at it. We just finished a couples group through our church on Divorce Proofing your marriage. It was really good, and I think the 8 couples that did it got a lot out of it. There is a story in there of a person who is at an airport and sees a man getting off the plane being greated by his family. He first takes his little baby into his arms, snuggles the baby. Then the next oldest and gives some loving words while they hug. Then the oldest, he kneels down and gives him a high five and a big hug and kiss. Then he embrasses his wife. He looks longingly into her eyes as they exchange some private words. Then they give a long kiss.

The on-looker has to make a comment about the beautiful moment. He asks how long the man was away from his family, expecting a response of several weeks. The dad/husband replies "3 days". He says to the man, boy I hope I can have a loving marriage and family like that one day.

The dad/husband replies (while never taking his eyes of his wife) don't wish my friend, decide!

Now I don't do the story justice, but you get the point. That is the type of marriage and family I have. To have that love and passion for my family takes work. But it's the most rewarding work I will do in my lifetime.

I think that is the point I was trying to make.

[HonkyTonk]

"...don't wish my friend, decide!"

There you go!

There's a common theme here with those who are content in their marriages:

1) They entered it for the long run and had no plan B.
2) The men were givers in the relationships as opposed to takers. I believe their wives are givers as well. (Givers/takers in a relationship--a whole topic in itself)
3) Patience
4) Sawyer's quote above
5) They married women with the same basic moral values and viewpoint towards marriage and the family.

Lucky? We make our own luck in this world!

Sawyer, you're both active in the church. Are and your wife of the same faith both before and after the marriage?

[Sawyer]

Tonk, we both grew up Catholic (big surprise there a Catholic in Latin America). Around the same time age wise, both my wife and I (well before we ever met) became frustrated with the faith, and started looking for something more. My wife after college went into a 1 year missionary service in Peru. She really was able to grow spiritually.

I still had a strong faith, but was wanting more and was really questioning the rituals and customs of the Catholic church. When we got married, we didn't really go to church. A friend I respected a few years later pointed us to the church he went to, a Baptist Church. We went and liked the difference we saw.

About 4 years ago we moved to the Phoenix AZ area. We were looking for child care for our son, and found a Baptist church right up the street from our new house that had a great program, so we enrolled him and starting attending. We have been there ever since. We have both grown a lot in our faith in the last few years. I think that has really helped our relationship grow on a new level also.

So yes we had the same spiritual belief and outlook. This also impacted our morals and opinions on many important factors in a relationship.

These are the types of things guys often don't talk about when they meet a lady they want to marry. There are dozens of topics that need to be discussed in depth to see if there are any red flags. Here are a few of those topics:
Faith, sex and sexual intimacy, child raising, money, family, career, vacation/travel, eating habits, views on personal health and fitness, etc.

There are many little things people just don't think to discuss, and many of them cause issues later.

I am a giver and my wife is a giver. We both do it in different ways, but because of that, we have been able to get through some tough things that would have killed many other marriages.

Being aware of these types of things before hand, and then listing them on the top of the list as deal breakers will save you a lot of head aches later on. The fact that I met my wife on my first trip, my second day and we are still together 10 years later is very unlikely yes. Would I call that luck, no. I knew exactly what I wanted and what I needed and a woman, a relationship and friend. I just happened to meet her right away. If there were red flags, then I never would have let things continue.

There are dozens of great books on relationships/marriages out there. You can learn a lot from them and they can help you a great deal if you put what you learn into practice!!!

That is the work I am talking about. A marriage is always growing, changing, evolving, as are each of us as individuals. If you don't evolve and grow with it individually and as a couple, then it will fail at some point. And to do that takes work, the work I was referring to before. We never considered a plan B. The first 6 months I kept expecting her to say, I love you but...
I had heard that so many times before. It never happened. We have 2 great kids, so we are stuck with each other, and we joke about that often. So why not work at things to keep them great, loving and fun. Now every day isn't a day at the beach. Life has a way of beating us down. But the bottom line is we are in it together, and we love each other, so we work at it to keep things the way we want them. We "decided" long ago to take that approach, and I keep us in check on that.

Just my $.02, it won't buy you a cup of coffee or get you on the bus, but it has helped us remain happy for 10 years now. Well that along with the fact I have a great wife and friend!

[Rainman3]

Sawyer & Griz,

I appreciate hearing some positive news on these relationships.
Especially since my fiancee arrives tomorrow on her K1 visa. I have
been traveling down to Medellin for 1-2 weeks for the last year getting to know Sandra and her family initially and than of course while our visa was in the works.

Im a 42 yo DWM with 2 kids living with me and she is 32 yo, never marrried, no kids. I just discovered this site last week but I will try to post more info and details as the adventure progresses. My Pasita is from a middle class family and has lived with her family for her entire life.

more info later,

RAINMAN3

[Cap'n Jib]

WELCOME Rainman!

We are definitely interested in your comments and observations.

[Rainman3]

Well Gents,

Sandra arrived into Houston Intercontinental at 2 pm on this Tuesday. I drove into Houston from Alexandria, La because I could not get a flight all the way into Alex with my NW MMs. She walked into the grret and meet at 3:15 with a little bit of a deer in the headlights look. We made the drive to Alexandria and spent Tuesday night with my parents. We are very lucky that my parents have traveled down to MDE twice with me over the last year for a week each time in order to spend time with Sandra and her family. Neither of my parents speak Spanish and Sandra's English is limited to the courtesies but my mom and dad are crazy about her (first time I ever had that happen).

I had to work the next day due to an emergency but Sandra slept in late and my mom brought her up to the office the next day. We had a nice lunch with my folks and departed for my home in Monroe that afternoon where we are enjoying a few days alone being that my 2 kids that live with me are both on trips right now. We went out last night and God, if you could see the looks of envy from all of my fellow Norte Louisiana "good olde boys". Everyone was really nice and welcoming to her and she has not started living o the phone/internet yet.

mas info mas tarde,
Rainman3

[Micky10]

RM -
Nothing but the best to you and Sandra, and please keep us posted as time allows. I think it is very important for you guys that have made the "leap" so to speak, to keep posting as a guide and inspiration of the other guys out there. Guys like Cn'J, JW and myself do not really count since we are all expats. Again, the best to you and your novia Sandra.

Love - Micky