Life in Nicaragua

[Cap'n Jib]

JW,

I was wondering if Nicaragua had dissapeared from the planet? Good to have you back in the saddle.

[HonkyTonk]

Good to see you back JW!

[John Wayne]

Originally Posted by LastLion

JW, some story MR. I think you should wirte a book. I was picturing Larry the cable guy playing your part in the feature film..


Great to see you again...

Heysuscristy....that F#cker aint purdy nuff......

and my favorite JW charictor is Rooster Cogburn....,.

[John Wayne]

OK I have had a bit of a problem with my antennne but I think I have itworked out now.....

I did a trip a few weeks ago and reported it here on TRN.....

if any would like to read it it is here.....

http://www.therealnicaragua.com/

:crazy

:http://www.therealnicaragua.com/vb/f...ead.php?t=5764

[Airto]

Very Colorful JW, so you are still hangin out, When is the book coming out??

[HonkyTonk]

Damn JW, hell of a trip report! I read it end to end non stop. I got a laugh per km.

That sounds even worse than the road out of Panama City, Panama (not Florida) into the Darien Province. Pot holes that could swallow a VW bug and a caravan of day laborers. I wouldn't have traded that experience for anything, but the total time spent there was only about 14 hours.

I'd have needed a keg of Mateus Rosé and a horny lady to get me thru your return trip.

Good to see you back...

[John Wayne]

Chicken Salad…….Epilog……

Ok, I got this piece of $hit computer running, and will try and continue this story, if the power outages and what not, don´t shock whatever is inside of this thing that keeps going out……

Despite of the regulator and conditioners, (I have ém double stacked) just to be safe, which don´t mean a bloomin´thing when you are living in a place where lead floats and cork sinks…..

But before you read this one, the start of it, in the page 20 section, (Chicken Salad) should be scanned a bit first to make this story make a little sense….

Now as I was last telling about OUR chickens….

Come on now, I really do have a life down here homesteading in Nicaragua, (I never thought about it till now, but it is in fact what I am doing) what with a young wife and four children.

But I am getting a kick out of telling these stories, that perhaps one day my begats will read and have a view of the öle Man, (me) after I am gone…..

I have read some of the last wills and testaments from some of the older ones of the family that came to the New World to homestead from Scotland and Ireland centuries ago, and they seemed to be lacking a bit in content….

I mean really, I, being of strong mind and yet weak in body, do hereby bequeath, property, live stock, a bed, furniture, and all that blarney….

I think most of ém couldn´t even write, cuz at the bottom of the document, was some Fancy Pantsy cornhole that would swear on his life, that all of the above was true, with some kind of a rubber stamp sealing the thing…..

It is inevitable and not accepting it, won´t change a thing…..

As in Adam… all must die, although I will be grabbing and scratching the whole way, to hang on a bit f*cking longer….

Life has been kind of Bitter and Sweet to me, and I know, you know how it is……

I would not take a Million Dollars for some of its good times and good friends I have met in my journey, and would have freely given to my enemies those times I was not very happy with……

Now don´t get me wrong here, I am not preaching, just talking, and this is one of the reasons, those in my home town of commercial fishermen in Eastern North Carolina gave me the nick name of John the Baptist in my younger days…..

But I digress; I am getting away from my story about these Nicaraguan Chickens…….

Now MY rooster, as my wife now refers to him, Chicken Salad, has been the Cock of the property since he got here.

Now he is a lot like that Cigar smokin´, fishing pole toten´, Nicaraguan American redneck member of this site, FAP….

He (Chicken Salad) don´t take no $hit off of no body, ……not even me…..

If there aint no grain waiting on him and his girls come daylight, by the door to the house, I cannot sleep late in the mornings.

That SOB will holler up at my window till I get up and take care of the problem….

Now I know soon, I am going to have to wrap him up in some mayonnaise, and chopped up onions and celery after I boil him a bit, but this story is leading up to that point….

On my sister in laws last trip to Awas Tara, I gave her 200 cordobas (about 10 dollars) to bring me four more young pullets to build up the flock.

When she returned, she had two roosters and two pullets, explaining that they would not just sell the pullets and no roosters.

I told her and my wife, No problem, the ones we don´t want or need, we just eat ´em,

$hit, my younguns will eat anything that I do…

One of the young roosters was a fine specimen, red and black in color…

So I gave him the name Daniel….

Flashback………Was it Daniel that had the coat of many colors?......

I later had to change his name to Daniela, meaning Dan-yeller, in Spanglish.

Now we Southerners, refer to someone that shows cowardice in the face of an enemy, as being yeller…..

Daniel stands a good two heads higher than Chicken Salad, and probably out weighs him by a pound or so.

He is young yet, but full grown when he got here.

CHICKEN FIGHT…..

Now the Coasteños fight chickens here, despite what those PC and city folks think, and it is not a Felony charge as would be in places in the States…..

Long as they aint no stabbing and killin´going on on the human side of the event, they are left alone by the law…

And they are really into it to the point of keeping the roosters in a special cage, special food, trimming the comb and jowls as to not be a target for an opponent…….

And rubbing chili pepper on their head before the fight, so the enemy will be at a disadvantage, when he grabs the opponent by the hair of the head in the fight by the other ones beak.

Personally I don´t think that chili pepper is going to make a bit of difference in the rage of battle, when the adrenalin is flowing and only training or natural reflexes are ruling the mind and body….

Now if you are one of those save the Whale type of animal humanitarian rights movement people, which is far removed from the natural pecking order of things……

Read no further………………………………. Please…….

From day one, Chicken Salad resented the presence of Daniel being on the homestead, and to solidify it, would kick his a$$.......

I mean bloody him good, and we had to take and tie him up somewhere away so Daniel could survive….

On the second day in the morning I had to take the broom to the house and knock Chicken Salad on his ass to leave Daniela (by this time in my mind anyway) alone…..

Daniela had started to run from Chicken Salad from the start, hence the name change in my mind…..

My wife told me that she wanted baby chicks from Daniela to make big fertile eggs because of his size, and that Mr. Dale ( our neighbor who is also homesteading) had 11 roosters and 80 hens and they all got along fine, and what is the problem with Chicken Salad?

Now I have no idea what goes on in the mind of an animal that loves to fight…….

JMc, is this Chicken of Irish stock?

Did he graduate from Notre Dame?

Or does he have syphilis of the brain?.........

Unbeknown to me, my wife and her sister with the permission of Mr. Dale, took him over to his homestead, and Chicken Salad kicked the a$$es of all of the roosters that had any fight at all in them……

They did this in hopes that Chicken Salad would get this fight $hit out of his system, this is what they told me…..

Bull $hit, they did it because they are Nicas, and were laughing about it to the point that they could hardly tell the story of Chicken Salad whooping all them a$$es…..

But still, he continued to kick Daniela´s a$$ at home…..

Now Chicken Salad is a $2.50 chicken……..

Those fighting chickens that are bred and put into competition here value $30.00 and up……..

And are prized according to their wins……..

Now I am not an advocate of animal fighting, but I could care less about what others like to do, that is between them and God…..

I have worked in my life, with some of the roughest human animals that perhaps our genes have ever produced, on the Commercial Fishing boats in the Atlantic Ocean, in my generation anyway……

I know we hear Glorified and or gory stories of the other generations before us, but I am trying to keep with a bit of reality here…..

At the dock, Drunken´ fights I have seen on the back deck of my boat leaving only one twin brother alive, over three fingers of whiskey in a freakin´ bottle…

Some of them Mother F*ckers, I believe you could take an iron stob, and beat their heads completely off of their shoulders, and never strike any brains at all….

This is why in some of my stories you will see me referring to them as Deck Apes…..

Ok, in keeping with the story line…….

I can remember as a kid my Uncle Edwin taking me to an old tobacco barn back in the swamp and watching his bulldog nearly kill the one owned by the high Sherriff of the county before they broke up the fight.

I was not impressed then and am not now either with the animal fighting, but I really don´t give a $hit……

For a brief period of time in my youth, I drove a livestock tractor/trailer truck all over North and South Carolina hauling hogs and cattle.

And I cannot count the times with a belligerent animal that would not either get off the trailer, or get on it, and the battery powered shock sticks would not persuade the animal…..

A Bull Dog was put on his a$$ to make him move, all the stock yards kept them for that purpose …..

Laughing now as I write this remembering, about one time Uncle Edwin´s bulldog got out of the pen and latched onto the head of a horse the neighbors daughter was riding at the time…

Hey, a bulldog is going to go for the nose on a horse or cow....

It was the three of them, the freaked out horse, the girl, and the dog, all over the county dirt road, till Uncle Edwin got a hold of the chain around the dogs neck and cut his air off to make him let go…

Now this won´t no fancy slip chain sold in pet stores, it was a ¼ inch galvanized chain put together close around the neck to allow you to grab it palm up and when twisted, shut off the breath of the dog to make him stop and let go…

The neighborhood Justice of the Peace here, known as the Juez del Barrio loves to fight chickens and his homestead is about ¼ mile to the south of us.

Scattered about his home is several cages in which he keeps his fighting Cocks.

So my wife and her sister decide to take Chicken Salad over there to get an assin´ from a professional fighting chicken in hopes to calm down a bit his conduct on the yard….

Yea,…. right…….

Now an assin´ is the Creole English word for getting the ever loving mortal $hit beat out of you…..

When I came home that evening, my wife and sister in law were just a laughing and cackling like a couple of hens that just laid an egg….

Chicken Salad had stomped the $hit out of the judge’s prize fighter….

And impressed him so, he offered as much as $40.00 for the bird in dickering to buy him….

Now my wife and her sister are the modern day female versions of Ed Norton and Ralph Crandon on the old black and white television show of The Honeymooners…….

A New York City sanitation worker, and a bus driver, always on a get rich quick scheme……

I wrote about them (my wife and sister in law) in a story a couple of years ago involving a Christmas pig that I named Roto Rooter and posted on another site….

I will go over it and put it on Gringos…..

Now I had started this little project with the objective of supplying my household with the fertile (yeller) eggs we all like, Love Eggs, Huevos de Amore.

And once this got started, my wife and her sister naturally started thinking about an egg farm.

I mean after all, it is food production, and the darn eggs are worth .20 cents US apiece, 4 Cordoba’s in the market, ......when available…

But now Chicken Salad, had because of his aggressiveness and ability to fight, had put visions of sugar plums in their heads in another direction…..

Oh No, not another side street on the road to fame and fortune…….

Ok folks, I do NOT want to get involved with raising fighting chickens, I think the food production is gamble enough……

I do not know right now, how I am going to handle this new direction they want to go….

Perhaps I should wring his neck in the wee hours of the morning, and say a possum got him, and go ahead and boil him up a bit, and make my Salad as originally planned……

Or just sell him to the judge, (this they might find out about) and say he went on an Australian Walkabout and buy some more FOULS with the money…….

Of course if I do the ladder, I can always go and bet on his a$$.....

[Ciza29]

Great story. I believe it was Joseph who had the amazing technicolored dreamcoat, but that is not all that important.

I am curious how this ends.

[John Wayne]

Originally Posted by Cap'n Jib

JW,

I was wondering if Nicaragua had dissapeared from the planet? Good to have you back in the saddle.

Cap'n Jib and Honkey Tonk.......and the rest of you crowd on this site.....

if you think for one minute you have gotten rid of me.........

GO PISS UP A ROPE.........

[Rocket Ajaxx]

i know several women from Nicaragua. They are all in their 20's and are married with children. They say that is common for a woman to marry in thier teen years and have children very earlier. The women i have met from Nicaragua are very nice and considerate and love their lives and families. I think maybe the women in Nicaragua would make nice wives. I haven't been there yet but from the women i have met they seem nice and family loving. And not bad looking either