Adjusting to the Adjustment

[Cap'n Jib]

I Saw It ALL Coming!
Yes sir ree, I knew that ALL a guy had to do was bring a Latina to a different Spanish speaking country and it would be a walk in the proverbial park. Let me put it this way…NOT! Allow me to refer you to the following:

Lostagain,
“There is enough confusion between idiomatic expressions in countries as it is, now add the local Spanglish and you really have to be careful.”

One of the things I find absolutely fascinating about life are my mistakes (I am easily amused). This is probably a good thing on my part as I constantly make mistakes (I ‘ONCE’ learned from one of them…but I can’t remember what that lesson was….now I also have to contend with the memory thing).

Yea but I moved my Colombian family to Panama which WAS a part of Colombia…how difficult can that adjustment be…right? Even though Panama and Colombia are now two different countries they STILL occupy (a FARC infested) common border. They might as well not be as far as I am concerned. Almost a hundred years of being a “US protectorate” has left certain influences (anyone else wonder who we were protecting the protectorate from?).

For instance the modification of a noun does NOT ALWAYS follow the noun. The diminutive for instance may or may not follow the noun. There is probably a Panamian Grammar Law which covers the exceptions, however it must be classified as a secret and apparently I do not ‘have the need to know’. It is not only me that experiences this phenomena from time to time.

When venturing into a suspicious area of grammar or word definition, S. puts on the La Professora hat and gets the other person to ‘commit’ first. I know this technique well as she constantly uses this on me. The times I have attempted to use the technique….well…it just doesn’t work for me. Ticks’ me right off I can tell you!

With respect to the four year old, forget it. Children at that age have, as linguists would say, a perfect natural understanding and communication skills of their mother tongue. In other words they have not ‘learned’ all the exceptions to the language and they get it RIGHT until adults teach them wrong. I have not asked the four year old to translate for me…..ah…er……yet.

Winston Churchill once referred to Great Brittan and the United States as two countries separated by a common language. He could have been speaking of Colombia and Panama also.

Love those Holidays
I am of the considered opinion that Panamians are the most caring people in the world. They do not want to hurt any other nationalities’ feelings and so they celebrate everyone’s Holidays and especially those that have nothing to do with them. This has and is still is taking some adjustment on both our parts (With respect to the four year old every day is already a Holiday!) How can this be a problem you wonder? If you do not know the Holidays how can we plan….not that we plan much mind you, however the few times we did…did not work out well.

Dentists here will schedule appointments even though (or may be especially) during a Holiday. You show up but they don’t. The school (for the four year old) may or may not tell you of the up coming Holiday. We show up with the kid in tow and nada.

I have cut a wide swath here in Panama with my dull wit. IF we are told that the construction crew will not be working on a Saturday, because of a Holiday, the only reason we would be informed is because EVERY Saturday at 11:20 AM, we show up with beer for the crew. I ask them if they plan to take the following Monday OFF to make up for Saturday they didn’t work. It is possible that I may have planted an idea in their heads.


We Want Independence….NOW (from Colombia)!
Griz,
“One thing I forgot to consider is the difficulty of traveling with Colombianas to other countries”.Tell me about it Griz!

I just traveled next door with a Colombianas. No welcome from the Mother Land type of reception here. They are not disrespectful….Panamians just make it difficult for Colombians from time to time.

Filling out forms always seems to contain a special hurdle for Colombianas. May be it’s a love-hate type of thing. Interestingly enough S.’s Colombian Drivers License has not presented any problems.

I can’t recall if I mentioned Colombianas are not welcome into Costa Rica (even for three days WITH a return ticket and WITH a Gringo). In order to travel to Costa Rica it was necessary to return to Colombia and make an appointment with the Costa Rican Consulate, in Colombia. There is a six week wait to apply for a tourist visa.


The Sacrifice
Griz,
“I used to be a work-horse....especially at night.” & “My wife does not understand the American work ethic.”

When I explained that I had this little quirk of working almost straight through January and February, my explanation left room for misunderstanding here guys.

The is the time of year that I refer to as “getting my ship together”! Basically, I do about a years worth of work in two months. Not easy for a significant mother…other to relate to. This is once rather large piece of baggage I have lugged around many years. Don’t know if I really could ‘give up’ this two months of abuse.

The rest of the year is eclectic reading and collection of stuff. It is during those two months, I try to make some sense of it all with respect to what I want to do with my life and those affected. She doesn’t get it (I not sure I would if the positions were reversed). This is my sacrifice. Just sorry others are affected.

How Secure is Security?
During our last trip to Bogota we had a 3 or 4 hour wait from arriving at the regional airport in Panama to be taken to the International airport. I met a taxi driver I had used before. S. and I were trying to decided what to do with our luggage during the layover. The driver said throw the bags in the trunk of the taxi. He was going home for lunch and would come back later for us.

We did and he did.

S. could not stop telling the story the entire time we were in Bogota to anyone who would listen. They could not believe that the bags were not stolen by the Panamian taxi driver. Some adjustment!

Playing the Game

The four year olds’ so comfortable in her surroundings. She is able to ‘play unsupervised’ (as far as that is possible with a Colombian mother) with other kids in the neighborhood. We take the neighborhood kids to where our house is being build and let them use the pool and Jacuzzi. Two of the neighbors’ girls have come over to play every night after school or take our little girl over to their houses.

S. tells her folks that she had never and would never have allowed that to happen in Bogota. The safety issue as adjustment factor is something we discuss frequently. I have watched the ‘stress and security’ tension disappear from her. I could not realize how much these issues affected her prior life.






Where is the GAIN in Gainfully Employed?
Before deciding to decided where a relationship is heading, both sides often try to set boundaries (that neither party has any intention of keeping). S. said that she would get a job and continue to work. She has a responsibility to her daughter and that was that. Well, I put my foot down (unfortunately my other foot was directly underneath the downward one). No work for a year!

She replied that “she had always worked and would always continue to work”. Ok, the negotiating positions are staked out…let the games begin. Three weeks later neither of us had budged on our respective positions. I decided to ‘pull out the big gun” and resorted to REASON. (Everyone should be ahead of me at this point.)

What with the move to a different country, no friends, taking care of her child, dah…dah…dah. Naturally, she bowed to reason and gave in. Sort of. I knew that she knew she had NO INTENTION of not working. And to be fair, she knew that I knew……..!

She lasted a month! She works with students on the internet and enjoys it. She pretends it is not work and I pretend also that she is not working.

It is tough being a man and having to be firm [as opposed to hard] with a woman!

[Cap'n Jib]

‘Nothin I can do!

Ran across an article a some months ago and had the opportunity to use it as an example for a couple of Gringo expatriates as to the ‘why of it all’. For proper attribution, I believe it was a letter to the editor of the Panama News….but am not sure.

Around 2004, the government decided to upgrade a road here in Panama (could have been ANYWHERE in LA). After the usual ‘planning ritual’ and multiple ribbon cutting events (over 10 by some accounts….something akin to a re-virgin-ation, I would expect), the project was started. The old road was torn up and made almost impassable. There is sat for almost a year with no one working on it.

A Panamian woman, who had a friend, who had a relative, who might have had done some business with someone, who attended a church, administrated by a priest …….well you get the idea, was finally able to talk to the Vice-President of Panama.

She explained the situation of the road, no one working on it and all. Danger for the children along the road, etc. The V.P. listened intently with sympathy and understanding. He acknowledged that there was indeed a problem.

Then he said “The contractor is a friend of mine and there is nothing I can do”.

In my short time here I recognize that ‘this is the way things are done’, however it is a partial understanding at best.

I finally “got it” when I accepted the fact that there really was NOTHING the V.P. could do.

Elected position, trust, civic improvement, and responsibility ALL were second to the friendship of the V.P. and the contractor (a higher value if you will). The fact that he had told her about the relationship at all, was above what could reasonably be expected of anyone.

[El Capitan]

LOL....Damn Jib....I think you've missed a calling~!

Besides having two sore fee, a stretched out mouth from inserting said sore feet on numerous occasions, and strained vocal chords for talking for no reason whatsoever...it sounds like you're doing pretty dang well !!!

If you ever feel like you're drowning in it...let me know, I'll run over to the "other" thread and grab you those Coast Guard Approved PFD's (personal flotation devices for those requiring translation) to help you out...really, I don't mind...grabbing them for ya that is...

Nice job...keep it up !

[GrizGator]

Thanks for the insights, Jib! Interesting to hear your experiences with travel. Costa Rica is one of my favorite places and I was hoping to take the family there next year. Now I will plan extra carefully.

I am fighting the fight now about allowing her daughter to spend time with other folks. My wife and I went to a work function for the first time alone...but only because my mom was willing to drive 1 1/2 hours to babysit for two hours. I asked my wife about my step-daughter getting to visit a friend at the friend's house...and she was not crazy about the idea. She told me that she would probably accompany my step-daughter when she goes to college (and I'm not sure she was joking). It's going to take a while to cut that cord.

My wife wants to work too. Fortunately for me, she still has the language barrier that will make it difficult for her to find a decent job. So, we have agreed that she will work hard on her English and then perhaps go back to school to become some sort of teacher (kindergarten) or teacher's aide. She says that since I don't want any children of my own and she loves children, her next best option is to teach kids. Fine with me!!!

Griz

Originally Posted by Cap'n Jib

Times New

Griz,
“One thing I forgot to consider is the difficulty of traveling with Colombianas to other countries”.

Tell me about it Griz!

I can’t recall if I mentioned Colombianas are not welcome into Costa Rica (even for three days WITH a return ticket and WITH a Gringo). In order to travel to Costa Rica it was necessary to return to Colombia and make an appointment with the Costa Rican Consulate, in Colombia. There is a six week wait to apply for a tourist visa.

Playing the Game

The four year olds’ so comfortable in her surroundings. She is able to ‘play unsupervised’ (as far as that is possible with a Colombian mother) with other kids in the neighborhood. We take the neighborhood kids to where our house is being build and let them use the pool and Jacuzzi. Two of the neighbors’ girls have come over to play every night after school or take our little girl over to their houses.

S. tells her folks that she had never and would never have allowed that to happen in Bogota. The safety issue as adjustment factor is something we discuss frequently. I have watched the ‘stress and security’ tension disappear from her. I could not realize how much these issues affected her prior life.


It is tough being a man and having to be firm [as opposed to hard] with a woman!

[Cap'n Jib]

“She told me that she would probably accompany my step-daughter when she goes to college (and I'm not sure she was joking).” - Griz

I don’t think she was also. I have heard from others concerning this phenomena. It is like the LA women want to relive their lives through her child’s or this is what a good mother does. I might be wrong but by living in the U.S., the culture will cause the mother and daughter relationship to separate a bit. When the daughter is old enough for college, my guess is that she will want to live without her mother. US culture stresses INDEPENDENCE….don’t see how the pulling apart can be avoided. Your wife might be devastated (or secretly thankful) as a result of this ‘natural’ U.S. independence thing and will need to stay occupied.

Did your wife live at home when she went to college? If she did, she will think it a logical decision. If she didn’t, then she should attempt to follow the wisdom of her parents.

We had a talk about our quality time together. Like almost all Latinas, S. started to believe devoting all her time to the child was what I wanted also….(this would PROVE she was a great wife and mother). S. decided to find a different Pre-school that also provides extended care (8 until 3). The results. The daughter is MUCH happier because there are other kids to play with…adults (including your own Mom) are so boring. S. has a “life” other than raising the kid. We now travel a bit together during the day as well as visit new friends. The new school costs less and provides a higher quality of personal attention. Win – Win – WIN !

S. brought up sending her child to France for a year some time in the future (the kid is only four now). I said it was, and it is, a good idea. However, I had no intention of staying there myself (I think the French and I would be able to tolerate each other six weeks….MAX). As far as financing the stay, monies would have to come from other sources. S. will probably work to achieve that end. After some thought she also ‘decided’ that she did not need to stay there with her daughter the entire time as other family members are already there. Of course, 10 years is a long time to change one’s mind. She might as might I.


C‘est La Vie !

[GrizGator]

Cap'n!

Yeah, I didn't think so. I agree 100% with what you said. It is clear that kids are special, but Colombianas (and most Latinas, from what I have heard) take it to the next level, which I am not sure is such a good thing.

I think you are right that eventually the American culture will rub off on my step-daughter and she will become more independent. In fact, I'm counting on it....that will be my chance to command more of my wife's time and attention. I haven't gotten to this touchy subject yet, but I am going to try to explain to my wife part of why the U.S., as a country, has been successful (at least in my opinion) - because most parents encourage their kids to be independent and to learn on their own through their experiences (instead of being coddled and directed in life).

My wife is 29 years old and has NEVER left home! Growing up, college, work....she's been at home with her parents and her two brothers. Her two brothers are like brothers to her daughter too. So both my wife and my step-daughter left the only family and home they ever knew to be here with me.

I'll let you know how our conversation turns out...when we have it. Off to Disney early in the morning. Buenas noches!

Griz

Originally Posted by Cap'n Jib

I don’t think she was also. I have heard from others concerning this phenomena. It is like the LA women want to relive their lives through her child’s or this is what a good mother does. I might be wrong but by living in the U.S., the culture will cause the mother and daughter relationship to separate a bit. When the daughter is old enough for college, my guess is that she will want to live without her mother. US culture stresses INDEPENDENCE….don’t see how the pulling apart can be avoided. Your wife might be devastated (or secretly thankful) as a result of this ‘natural’ U.S. independence thing and will need to stay occupied.

Did your wife live at home when she went to college? If she did, she will think it a logical decision. If she didn’t, then she should attempt to follow the wisdom of her parents.

C‘est La Vie !

[Gossioii1]

Looks like your question thing at the end of the post worked. Also not having to sign in is nice too. Good job. Nice list. Thanks.

[Jim]

I’m in a slightly different position because I live in the Philippines. I told my GF that she had one job, taking care of me. I also love our daughter very much but we have a nanny, my GF’s sister, who helps with housework and childcare.

I have a major say in how we treat Jessamae and how we handle discipline. I know my GF and her daughter have a better life by far than they could have had without me and I am serious that she make my life better too.

I know you both are very happy and are pointing out ironies, not really complaining. Obviously, these are some of the roadblocks that need to be adressed and it’s good that you can handle them with humor and love.

[Cap'n Jib]

Tweaking and adjusting

Things are progressing swimmingly…..which could, I suppose, mean we are trying to keep our heads above water. Warm tropical water. Light blue-green tropical water. Shimmering, vibrant intoxicating tropical water….well you get the drift. Paradise is a *****!

We have adjusted to the possibility of not being able to stay permanently in Panama. And if you believe that……

Flies in the ointment.

About six months ago the Mrs. was ‘recruited’ (conned?) into getting another Masters Degree. She has not set foot on the campus. Not even certain she knows where it is. All her work is done on the internet through a consortium of Universities in Latin America but administered from a University in Spain. She really needs another degree. If she gets two more, she will get a set of free steak knives.

All I know is no one asked me to go back to school for another degree. But that is ok with me…it’s not important….hardly affects me….not one damn bit. In fact, I can say that I am at peace and one with the universe, even though those *******s did not see fit to ‘ask’ me. Those sons-a-*****es!

By a STRANGE twist of fate, the Mrs. may end up getting her residency and I…..well I will be lucky if I end up sucking hind Panamian tit!

The recruiter called last week and asked if the Mrs. would be interested in setting up and administrating a University program for Panama in her field (which one, I have no idea and I sure as hell am NOT going to ask). If it all falls into place, and if the wife decides she wants to do it, then she will be eligible for a special residency visa and exemption. An ‘Occupational Exemption’ will be granted for her and family. Great…..just great….she gets the residency, I get the shaft. I am her spouse under the residency and therefore become HER ‘kept man’. I am considering testosterone shots!

A cup of Joe

My role, as the male figure, head honcho, numero uno, and Zeus (like the lightening bolt up your ass, Zeus) now is being threatened with the possible reversal of roles as stated above, I can always rest my sorry ass esteem on the fact that I am a coffee baron of repute and stature Well…..NOT EXACTLY!

The damn plants will not grow. Over a year now has been spent trying to coax, cajole, even threaten the plants into growing but they just sit there. I have talked to the plants with no avail. I have sang to the plants, which upon further reflection might explain their comatose state. I have gone out when the moon was full and danced….nothing. Of course I was naked at the time. The plants might be trying to recover from that ghastly ordeal. Getting desperate, think maybe sacrificing a chicken might work.

Coffee Growers Anonymous

There is a support group in the area which I attend from time to time. Five other dumb ass gringos trying to grow coffee. They are just as clueless as I. Those guys are such losers!

We have talked about ‘our gardeners’ who might…just might know even less than us, first world, know-it-all gringos….IF that were possible about growing coffee. We considered trading players (gardeners) and even set up a future draft and all. Wee scuttled the idea because just like professional baseball and football, if a guy was a loser on one team, moving to another team, he is still a loser.

I even went and bought one new coffee plant, because the new one looked taller/bigger that the ones I planted over a year ago. I think MY plants have shrunk?

The Panamian Conspiracy

Considering forming a committee to investigate whether or not the coffee plants not growing is a conspiracy. It could just be that the Panamians are screwing with our minds and wallets with respect to coffee. We keep paying those quack gardeners to NOT grow coffee. They take our money and nothing happens. If we gringos are asked to bail out all the Panamian Coffee growers, I will think it as normal. They learned that trick from watching the US taxpayers bail out fat cat Wall Street whore houses…o-o-o-p-s …brokerage houses and banks. Damn those Latinos are smart!